Umno Baru man and MP for Temerloh, Saifuddin Abdullah, has reopened the issue of DAP joining Barisan Nasional by saying that it was “not impossible” for any opposition party to join the ruling coalition and yet maintain their opposing views.
After all the bad publicity given to DAP, I wonder why they are still interested in having the DAP to team up with them? Quite frankly, they have never been short of issues against DAP that it is almost a daily affair where a new 'anti-DAP' issue will crop up. Joining the BN, hmmmmm .....
7 hari dalam hidup macai :
Ahad : DAP anti Islam
Isnin : DAP anti Melayu
Selasa : DAP parti perkauman chaunivis
Rabu : DAP alat komunis
Khamis : DAP perkuda PAS
Jumaat : DAP mahu jadikan negara ini negara Kristian
Sabtu : DAP patut join BN
I was born on the prairies, where the wind blew free and there was nothing to break the light of the sun. I was born where there were no enclosures. [GERONIMO]
Friday, August 9, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Greetings to all Muslims, from our Holy Father, Pope Francis
To Muslims throughout the World,
It gives me great pleasure to greet you as you celebrate ‘Eid ul-Fitri, so concluding the month of Ramadan, dedicated mainly to fasting, prayer and almsgiving.
It is a tradition by now that, on this occasion, the Pontifical Council for Inter-religious Dialogue sends you a message of good wishes, together with a proposed theme for common reflection.
This year, the first of my Pontificate, I have decided to sign this traditional message myself and to send it to you, dear friends, as an expression of esteem and friendship for all Muslims, especially those who are religious leaders.
As you all know, when the Cardinals elected me as Bishop of Rome and Universal Pastor of the Catholic Church, I chose the name of “Francis”, a very famous saint who loved God and every human being deeply, to the point of being called “universal brother". He loved, helped and served the needy, the sick and the poor; he also cared greatly for creation.
I am aware that family and social dimensions enjoy a particular prominence for Muslims during this period, and it is worth noting that there are certain parallels in each of these areas with Christian faith and practice.
This year, the theme on which I would like to reflect with you and with all who will read this message is one that concerns both Muslims and Christians: Promoting Mutual Respect through Education.
This year's theme is intended to underline the importance of education in the way we understand each other, built upon the foundation of mutual respect.
“Respect” means an attitude of kindness towards people for whom we have consideration and esteem. “Mutual” means that this is not a one-way process, but something shared by both sides.
What we are called to respect in each person is, first of all, his life, his physical integrity, his dignity and the rights deriving from that dignity, his reputation, his property, his ethnic and cultural identity, his ideas and his political choices.
We are therefore called to think, speak and write respectfully of the other, not only in his presence, but always and everywhere, avoiding unfair criticism or defamation. Families, schools, religious teaching and all forms of media have a role to play in achieving this goal.
Turning to mutual respect in inter-religious relations, especially between Christians and Muslims, we are called to respect the religion of the other, its teachings, its symbols, its values. Particular respect is due to religious leaders and to places of worship. How painful are attacks on one or other of these!
It is clear that when we show respect for the religion of our neighbours or when we offer them our good wishes on the occasion of a religious celebration, we simply seek to share their joy without making reference to the content of their religious convictions.
Regarding the education of Muslim and Christian youth, we have to bring up our young people to think and speak respectfully of other religions and their followers, and to avoid ridiculìng or denigrating their convictions and practices.
We all know that mutual respect is fundamental in any human relationship, especially among people who profess religious beliefs. ln this way, sincere and lasting friendship can grow.
When I received the Diplomatic Corps accredited to the Holy See on 22 March 2013, I said: “It is not possible to establish true links with God, while ignoring other people. Hence, it is important to intensify dialogue among the various religions, and I am thinking particularly of dialogue with Islam.
"At the Mass marking the beginning of my ministry, I greatly appreciated the presence of so many civil and religious leaders from the Islamic world."
With these words, I wish to emphasise once more the great importance of dialogue and cooperation among believers, in particular Christians and Muslims, and the need for it to be enhanced.
With these sentiments, I reiterate my hope that all Christians and Muslims may be true promoters of mutual respect and friendship, in particular through education.
Finally, I send you my prayerful good wishes, that your lives may glorify the Almighty and give joy to those around you.
Happy Feast to you all, from the Vatican.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
"I am just very tired" - Namewee
First, it was Ambiga Sreenevasan . Then followed by Anwar Ibrahim. Now it's Namewee's turn to have his citizenship revoked, a call made by PERKASA just because they don't agree with his views on the screening of the film "The New Village". Their reasoning is that Namewee was glorifying communism [huh?] and for that, he ought to be made persona non grata in this country. If that is the case, then Khairy Jamaluddin's citizenship should also be revoked since his UMNO Baru Youth movement has close ties with the Communist Youth Movement of China. Of course, Khairy defended his move by saying that the Communist China is not the same as the Communist China of yesteryears. If that is the case, how about Tun Abdul Razak for his visit to China in 1974 to set up diplomatic ties. At the time of the trip, people like Chairman Mao Tse Tung and Premier Chou En Lai were still very much alive and these guys were hard core communists. Furthermore, who do you think supported the Communist Party of Malaya at the time of the Emergency from 1947 to 1960 in terms of arms and guerrilla warfare?
For the information of many of UMNO Baru's leaders and pro-UMNO Baru groups, the youths of today just want to make a living and to 'glorify' communism is the furthest from their minds. I doubt they even know what communism is all about. I would have agreed to the ban if the film [for the sake of our sensitive PERKASA and certain UMNO Baru leaders] was an autobiography of Chin Peng or any of the CPM leaders, but about love between two persons caught on the wrong sides of the ideological and political divide? Come on, open up your minds to see the greater good of the story.
So, Namewee is kicking up a fuss, but can we blame him? His complain about the 'New Village' was, after all the permits have been obtained, why the sudden ban just because of some people who thought otherwise? This was the question posed by him on his video "017 Double Standard",
Now about his experience with the Film Censorship Board, here are his grievances, but you will have to excuse the English as it was taken verbatim from the subtitles of his video, "017 Double Standard".
While nobody questioned the lucky headmaster who demanded his students to eat in the toilet. I've tried so hard to apply funding for my first movie 'Nasi Lemak 2.0'. After 12 long months, you rejected me. Simply, because I am Chinese, right? Then why don't you reject all the Chinese votes? Since you've rejected to fund my movie, I was forced to raise money by myself.
Still remember what happened during the screening? A few idiots who claimed they're from the NGO tried to create havoc in the cinema to stop the screening. And immediately, you called for an emergency meeting to ban the movie. Apparently, Nasi Lemak 2.0 has not been taken down. It went successfully to beat the box office. I'm proud of myself. Only for you to claim that Nasi Lemak 2.0 was classified as non-local movie and will be charged 20% of tax, how insane is that? Both Adinah Noor and Afdlin Shauki appeared in the movie and it was classified as non-local movie?
Next, was my second move, 'Hantu Gangster'. You've filtered and removed 17 scenes and classified it as '13PL'. What's your problem? You should have given me a 13PL classified without censorship, or a 'U' (publice) classification since you've censored 17 scenes, but you've done BOTH! Isn't that unfair? You claimed 'Hantu Gangster' was sensitive. What is so sensitive? My thigh is sensitive and I know your nipples are sensitive too. We've put in so many efforts and hard work, and now you're targeting my third movie, 'Kara King'
'Kara King' was supposed to be a Chinese New Year movie. You came up with your own rules on which movie should or should not be released. Now the movie will not be screened during Chinese New Year. Are you happy with that? You better watch out for our Golden Left Foot. How am I supposed to explain to Ng Man Tiat and Frankie Gan? Rules and system are created to help the people, but you are manipulating the rules and enjoyed the benefits on your own. Since the movie won't be shown on Chinese New Year, we've decided to release the movie in August. Because its festive season and there's a school holiday. Even though it would not be the same as Chinese New Year, but at least there's Hari Raya. But you remember what you said? You said, "NO". You ordered us to bring backward the date! Your lame reason was because you need to reserve the slots in August for Malay movies. No Chinese movie is permitted. But did you ever realised that Malay movies are given permits to release their movies during Chinese New Year?!
There are Malay actors and crew in our production. We worked so hard for this movie unlike people like you. We've planned for this movie to be screened together in Thailand, Taiwan, Hong Kong and Singapore, but due to the unfairness in managing the movies and late notifications on our screening date, all our plans in Taiwan, Hong Kong, Thailand and Singapore are ruined because we no longer able to launch the movie at the same time. Are you satisfied with this now? Are you happy with what you have done? The last minute notification was so crucial that we're now not able to run our promotion campaign. No one knows when 'Kara King' will be released. Only you alone knows. I was notified a few moments ago. Without proper promotion who is going to watch my movie? What should I do?
Coming back to the 'New Village' issue. Since you've approved the script, why ban it now? We've submitted the script for approval before shooting. We're only allowed to shoot if the script is approved. You better don't play, play. I've done shooting my fourth movie, "Bangrasia". You better not fool around with the movie because you've already approved the script and shooting. I will not tolerate this unfairness because I've followed all the correct procedures. You should inform me earlier if you wanna fool around and don't tell me the approval was given by another department. It doesn't make sense. If you fool me, I will spray you with my pee. If it happens, than you can lodge a police report on my pee. It's none of my business and its not my fault but my pee. My pee is the one attacked you, not me. Am I right? You shouldn't say Chinese don't support you, so you would like to take opportunity to revenge. Where is your evidence showing that Chinese don't support you?
There is an idiot in every single religion. Everyone is asking me to bang you with my songs. But I'm sick of writing that all the time plus I don't really have the time to waste right now because 'Kara King' will be released today. I have to go inform everyone or no one knows. Since I don't have the time to write a song, I would like to deliver this special song from the movie, 'Kara King'. If you are not happy with me, please complain on YouTube. It's YouTube and Facebook's fault, not mine. You deal with YouTube. I learned this from you, double standard principles.
Not only is Namewee tired. I am also tired and so are many Malaysians who are getting fedup with the antics put up by PERKASA and others, and yet PERKASA is mooting the idea of an inter-racial grouping? Despite all that is happening to the Chinese community, isn't it clear why UMNO Baru lost the Chinese votes or are they so dumb as not to see it at all.
For the information of many of UMNO Baru's leaders and pro-UMNO Baru groups, the youths of today just want to make a living and to 'glorify' communism is the furthest from their minds. I doubt they even know what communism is all about. I would have agreed to the ban if the film [for the sake of our sensitive PERKASA and certain UMNO Baru leaders] was an autobiography of Chin Peng or any of the CPM leaders, but about love between two persons caught on the wrong sides of the ideological and political divide? Come on, open up your minds to see the greater good of the story.
So, Namewee is kicking up a fuss, but can we blame him? His complain about the 'New Village' was, after all the permits have been obtained, why the sudden ban just because of some people who thought otherwise? This was the question posed by him on his video "017 Double Standard",
Now about his experience with the Film Censorship Board, here are his grievances, but you will have to excuse the English as it was taken verbatim from the subtitles of his video, "017 Double Standard".
While nobody questioned the lucky headmaster who demanded his students to eat in the toilet. I've tried so hard to apply funding for my first movie 'Nasi Lemak 2.0'. After 12 long months, you rejected me. Simply, because I am Chinese, right? Then why don't you reject all the Chinese votes? Since you've rejected to fund my movie, I was forced to raise money by myself.
Still remember what happened during the screening? A few idiots who claimed they're from the NGO tried to create havoc in the cinema to stop the screening. And immediately, you called for an emergency meeting to ban the movie. Apparently, Nasi Lemak 2.0 has not been taken down. It went successfully to beat the box office. I'm proud of myself. Only for you to claim that Nasi Lemak 2.0 was classified as non-local movie and will be charged 20% of tax, how insane is that? Both Adinah Noor and Afdlin Shauki appeared in the movie and it was classified as non-local movie?
Next, was my second move, 'Hantu Gangster'. You've filtered and removed 17 scenes and classified it as '13PL'. What's your problem? You should have given me a 13PL classified without censorship, or a 'U' (publice) classification since you've censored 17 scenes, but you've done BOTH! Isn't that unfair? You claimed 'Hantu Gangster' was sensitive. What is so sensitive? My thigh is sensitive and I know your nipples are sensitive too. We've put in so many efforts and hard work, and now you're targeting my third movie, 'Kara King'
'Kara King' was supposed to be a Chinese New Year movie. You came up with your own rules on which movie should or should not be released. Now the movie will not be screened during Chinese New Year. Are you happy with that? You better watch out for our Golden Left Foot. How am I supposed to explain to Ng Man Tiat and Frankie Gan? Rules and system are created to help the people, but you are manipulating the rules and enjoyed the benefits on your own. Since the movie won't be shown on Chinese New Year, we've decided to release the movie in August. Because its festive season and there's a school holiday. Even though it would not be the same as Chinese New Year, but at least there's Hari Raya. But you remember what you said? You said, "NO". You ordered us to bring backward the date! Your lame reason was because you need to reserve the slots in August for Malay movies. No Chinese movie is permitted. But did you ever realised that Malay movies are given permits to release their movies during Chinese New Year?!
There are Malay actors and crew in our production. We worked so hard for this movie unlike people like you. We've planned for this movie to be screened together in Thailand, Taiwan, Hong Kong and Singapore, but due to the unfairness in managing the movies and late notifications on our screening date, all our plans in Taiwan, Hong Kong, Thailand and Singapore are ruined because we no longer able to launch the movie at the same time. Are you satisfied with this now? Are you happy with what you have done? The last minute notification was so crucial that we're now not able to run our promotion campaign. No one knows when 'Kara King' will be released. Only you alone knows. I was notified a few moments ago. Without proper promotion who is going to watch my movie? What should I do?
Coming back to the 'New Village' issue. Since you've approved the script, why ban it now? We've submitted the script for approval before shooting. We're only allowed to shoot if the script is approved. You better don't play, play. I've done shooting my fourth movie, "Bangrasia". You better not fool around with the movie because you've already approved the script and shooting. I will not tolerate this unfairness because I've followed all the correct procedures. You should inform me earlier if you wanna fool around and don't tell me the approval was given by another department. It doesn't make sense. If you fool me, I will spray you with my pee. If it happens, than you can lodge a police report on my pee. It's none of my business and its not my fault but my pee. My pee is the one attacked you, not me. Am I right? You shouldn't say Chinese don't support you, so you would like to take opportunity to revenge. Where is your evidence showing that Chinese don't support you?
There is an idiot in every single religion. Everyone is asking me to bang you with my songs. But I'm sick of writing that all the time plus I don't really have the time to waste right now because 'Kara King' will be released today. I have to go inform everyone or no one knows. Since I don't have the time to write a song, I would like to deliver this special song from the movie, 'Kara King'. If you are not happy with me, please complain on YouTube. It's YouTube and Facebook's fault, not mine. You deal with YouTube. I learned this from you, double standard principles.
JUST BEFORE RETIRING, DR MAHATHIR ADMITTED, SAYING THAT THE CHINESE WERE DISCRIMINATED, AND HOW RIGHT HE WAS!!!!
The foll.owing was what Namewee had to say when interviewed by The Malaysian Insider yesterday.
Uh, uh, I’m so *&%^*%^* tired yo’all, Namewee raps Perkasa
For a rapper who is no stranger to controversy, the last thing one expects Namewee to say is he is tired.
“I am just very tired. I have put in so much effort, wasted so much of my time and youth to promote unity through movies, yet they are doing this,” he told The Malaysian Insider, referring to attacks from Umno-backed newspapers and rights groups.
He has made the news over and over again for about the same reasons – he raps about people and things one doesn’t normally expect to turn up in a rap song. And this has incurred the wrath of the authorities from time to time.
But this time, it is different. This time, Namewee is in the sights because he has come out in support of a movie that was slammed by the weekend newspaper Mingguan Malaysia for glorifying communism.
Yesterday, Malay rights group Perkasa even demanded that his citizenship be revoked.
Perkasa deputy president Datuk Abdul Rahman Abu Bakar said it had lodged countless police reports against Namewee but the Attorney-General had done nothing.
Namewee said, “They can call me racist. They can call me anything they want. I don’t have to defend myself or answer to them.”
Namewee was heavily criticised by Mingguan Malaysia columnist Awang Selamat on Sunday, calling the rapper racist, childish and someone who didn’t know his history.
Awang, a pseudonym used by Utusan's editors in the weekly edition, also called him an extremist for speaking out against the decision to halt the screening of the movie "The New Village".
This came after the actor and director had posted a YouTube video called "017 Double Standard", saying that the demand to halt the movie showed double standards.
He said he found it strange that the Film Censorship Board had approved the movie in the first place.
“What is the point of approving the movie only to have it banned later? I don’t know why this is happening. But this is a serious problem,” he said.
“This will only just incur a lot of costs to the movie production.”
Namewee studied mass communications in Taiwan. That is where he first made headlines in 2007, as a foul-mouthed rapper in a music video called I Love My Country Negarakuku. It was criticised for ridiculing the national anthem and the Islamic call for prayer. He was questioned by the police a year later after he returned from Taiwan.
He had another close shave with the law when he posted a video in 2010 containing his trademark vulgarities and obscenities in response to an incident involving a Johor school principal, who allegedly made racist remarks to her pupils. He was probed for sedition over that YouTube video.
In 2011, Namewee again grabbed the headlines after Utusan Malaysia’s writer Fauziah Arof wrote that she would not watch his movie, Nasi Lemak 2.0.
Namewee, in a return to his usual style, responded with a video on YouTube saying that she should not be writing about the movie if she had not watched it.
When asked if he was worried that the police have responded vigorously recently to controversial videos, Namewee said, “I think the police should go catch the real bad guys.”
Not only is Namewee tired. I am also tired and so are many Malaysians who are getting fedup with the antics put up by PERKASA and others, and yet PERKASA is mooting the idea of an inter-racial grouping? Despite all that is happening to the Chinese community, isn't it clear why UMNO Baru lost the Chinese votes or are they so dumb as not to see it at all.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Monday Humour
SHOULD CHILDREN WITNESS CHILD BIRTH?
Due to a power cut, only one paramedic responded to the call.
The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3 -yr old girl to hold a torch high over her mummy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.
Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3 -yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place... smack his arse again!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DATING A CHINESE GIRL
I asked a Chinese girl if she would come out with me for a date and I asked her number so that I could call her.
She got all excited and said: "SEX SEX SEX FREE SEX TONIGHT".
But then my friend told me what she really said was, "6 6 6 3 6 2 9."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lady: Is this my train
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
___________________________________________________________________
Man Quits Smoking Because Of Will Power.
He Quits Drinking Because Of Will Power.
But He Quits Womanizing Because He Has The Will But No Power.
__________________________________________________________________
Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter: Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
__________________________________________________________________
Customer: Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer: No, I can't.
Waiter: Then does it really matter ?
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."
____________________________________________________________________
Customer: Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer: Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter: I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
1st thief: Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief: Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.
Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love.
Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
_______________________________________________________________________
Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master: Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer: I bet you, it won't.
Post Master: Why not?
Customer: It's addressed to Mumbai.
______________________________________________________________________
Signboard Outside A Prostitute's House:
Married MEN Not Allowed.
We Serve The Needy, Not The Greedy...
_____________________________________________________________
Due to a power cut, only one paramedic responded to the call.
The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3 -yr old girl to hold a torch high over her mummy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.
Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3 -yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place... smack his arse again!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DATING A CHINESE GIRL
I asked a Chinese girl if she would come out with me for a date and I asked her number so that I could call her.
She got all excited and said: "SEX SEX SEX FREE SEX TONIGHT".
But then my friend told me what she really said was, "6 6 6 3 6 2 9."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale ... it's true.
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on. The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching.
Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying...and wasn't drunk.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from thedark and stormy night. They, like John , were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one saidto the other.... Look Paddy....there's that idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it !!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Ole and Lena are sixty-nining when Ole says, "Leena did you know there is
117,000 musk-ox in Alaska?"
Lena says, "No, I didn't, Gee, you¹re smart".
Ole says, "And Lena, did you know there are 482,000 grizzly bears living in
Alaska?" Lena says, "No I didn't. Gee, you¹re smart. Ole says, and Lena did
you know there is over 2,000,000 caribou living in Alaska? "No", says Lena,
"how did you get so smart?" Sort of wondering how this conversation came
about in the middle of their sex play.
Ole says, "Remember last winter when we ran out of toilet paper and we
had to use the pages out of magazines?"
"Yes, I remember", says Lena. Ole says, "Well you still have
page 63 of the National Geographic stuck to your ass."------------------------------------------------------------------Bill was the laziest SOB and he never did a lick of physical work in all
his life. One night he saw his wife carrying a heavy basket of laundry up
the basement stairs.
"Lynn", he shouted, "This has got to stop. For years you have been
carrying the clothing up the stairs in that big heavy basket. Enough!!
Today.not tomorrow, but today, you go in to town and get yourself a
smaller basket and make two trips."
Lady: Is this my train
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
___________________________________________________________________
Man Quits Smoking Because Of Will Power.
He Quits Drinking Because Of Will Power.
But He Quits Womanizing Because He Has The Will But No Power.
__________________________________________________________________
Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter: Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
__________________________________________________________________
Customer: Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer: No, I can't.
Waiter: Then does it really matter ?
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."
____________________________________________________________________
Customer: Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer: Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter: I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
1st thief: Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief: Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.
Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love.
Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
_______________________________________________________________________
Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master: Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer: I bet you, it won't.
Post Master: Why not?
Customer: It's addressed to Mumbai.
______________________________________________________________________
Signboard Outside A Prostitute's House:
Married MEN Not Allowed.
We Serve The Needy, Not The Greedy...
_____________________________________________________________
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