Monday Humour

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend

2. a companion

3. a lover

4. a brother

5. a father

6. a master

7. a chef

8. an electrician

9. a carpenter

10. a plumber

11. a mechanic

12. a decorator

13.. a stylist

14. a sexologist

15. a gynecologist

16 a psychologist

17. a pest exterminator

18. a psychiatrist

19.. a healer

20. a good listener

21. an organizer

22. a good father

23. very clean

24. sympathetic

25. athletic

26. warm

27. attentive

28. gallant

29. intelligent

30. funny

31. creative

32. tender

33. strong

34. understanding

35. tolerant

36. prudent

37. ambitious

38. capable

39. courageous

40. Determined!

41. true

42. dependable

43. passionate

44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly

46. love shopping

47. be honest

48. be very rich

49. not stress her out

50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect none for yourself

52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself

53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

* birthdays

* anniversaries

* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY?

1. Show up naked

2. Bring Beer

Religion and alcohol

So Hassan Ali, a pious Muslim he is, is now stepping up his rhetorics by banning the sales of beer/liquor to Muslims in the state. If this is not bad, companies like Carlsberg and Guineess may also face re-location from this Muslim majority township of Shah Alam. I wonder when all this will stop? Maybe until the whole state looks like they are back in the 7th century, I think. The reason for my saying this, is this. If you want to start something, make sure you end it. By banning drinks beverages containing alcohol will bring about a chain of events that he will find it impossible to cope later on. For instance, he wants to ban beer, then you might as well ban Coca Cola and Pepsi Cola for these two drinks too contain alcohol. Here is a quote from the Fiqh Council of America: "It is well known that some soft drinks, such as Coca-Cola, Pepsi-Cola, contain among their ingredients a tiny amount of alcohol, which is used to dissolve some constituents of the drinks such as color, flavor, etc. Coca-Cola and Pepsi-Cola, for example, contain different types of flavors, considered to be part of the trade secrets; these flavors dissolve in alcohol, which is no more than two to three parts in one thousand (0.03-0.02 %) in these drinks. "

0.03 or 1%, alcohol is alcohol and it must be banned or will he apply the double standards of some can and some cannot?

He further added that Muslim staff could no longer work in breweries as he considered this as against the religion. As it is, there are already thousands who are jobless and with this line of action, wouldn't it lengthen the unemployment line?. I wonder who is going to feed these families if the breadwinner of the house could no longer find employment?

Here is something interesting. The next time you take a cough syrup or any medicine, check the label again. "It contains alcohol. The alcohol present in the finshished medicine guarantees its storage life and assists your mucous membranes in their task of taking up these natural substances more easily and as completely as possible." [Madaus website]

It further added: "Alcohol is also intrinsically present in the body. It occurs naturally in the human body as a by-product of metabolism. For this reason, the natural blood alcohol concentration in men, women and children alike is constantly around 0.03 per thousand. In a person weighing about 80 kg, this percentage is equivalent to a total of 1.68 g pure alcohol in the blood."

So are we to ban such medicine as well?

So it may be true after all

This afternoon, I blogged at 1.28 pm that a Malay Muslim would take over the helm of MAS and at 1.52 pm, Malaysiakini announced the appointment of Tengku Azmil Zahruddin who will replace Idris Jala. Okay, maybe it is not a surprise since it is a GLC, but still I was banking on the hope that another Idris Jala or Saw Huat Lye would be appointed instead.

Congratulations to Tengku Azmil and looking forward to you keeping up the good work of Idris and steering the national airline to greater heights.

Idris Jala & Koh Tsu Koon - two KPI ministers?

Idris Jala, now CEO of MAS, will soon be promoted to be a Minister of KPI. Now is that good news or bad news? There is that belief that since MAS is a GLC, Idris' position as CEO was seen less tenable right from the beginning as UMNO must have a Muslim (preferably a Malay) to head the national airline. They allowed Idris to trouble shoot the airline and as soon as it turns around, the post will go to someone else. If this is the case, then why not let the guy return to Sarawak Shell where he would be more at home? Okay, okay, that may not be true, but knowing UMNO, such moves are not hard to imagine.

The other reason maybe, Koh Tsu Koon as the KPI minister is underperforming and Najib needs a strong figure like Idris to get things going. If this is the reason to go by, wouldn't KTK be receiving a slap on his face? It could probably be a 'constructive dismissal' for KTK too, knowing that one department cannot have two managers so one has to go, and Najib is doing it in a not so subtle manner. I wonder how is the reporting line for these two guys be on the organisation chart? The way I see it, two boxes side by side with a line between them with each end, an arrow head.

Idris Jala is a corporate head and is being driven by KPIs both in Sarawak Shell and MAS. KTK is a politician and may not know the mechanism in devising the various KPIs for the government. It has already been more than a year since KTK assumed the post of KPI minister and todate, he may be falling way behind. With KTK facing such a dillema, Gerakan representation in the government is as good as over.

Are you in the mood to celebrate???

The 52nd anniversary of our country's independence will soon be upon us and I am wondering whether anyone of uscitizens is in the mood to celebrate. As of now, I have still yet to see any flags hung from pirvate homes or buildings. Even cars do not fly the flag anymore. Could this be the result of Teoh Beng Hock's deatch, an inquest on him that is going no where, Choi Soi Lek kena tendang from the party, Ong Tee Keat allegedly collected RM10m from the fella Ting, UMNO lost Permatang Pasir (hey, what am I talking about. This is supposed to be good news), Michael Learn To Rock concert will face protest by those nitwits from PAS, beer selling will be curbed, Black Eyed Peas concert may also be called off, 71 deaths from H1N1, Samy Vellu still calling the shots in MIC, Khir Toyo's RM24m estate ignored by MACC, the PKFZ scandal has become full blown, PPP in-fighting, Koh Tsu Koon created homeless people, Gerakan is directionless, UMNO is still racist as ever if not worse than before, Kartika Sari Dewi Shurkarno is about to be whipped, a sacrilege in a Catholic church has been committed by two reporters from Al Islam and no action taken, Utusan Melayu is having a field day creating racial and religious tensions it deems fit, the overthrow of the PR state government in Perak and last, certainly not the least, the unrelentless arrests on PR leaders in Selangor for alleged corruption.

How to celebrate lah? I think I will sleep late on August 31. Maybe those extra hours will help me dream of the good old days gone by when Merdeka Day was as important as any Malaysian's birthday.

How could we mistreat a star from India???

Came across this press release from the sify.com website. After reading the article, I am left wondering why our people just don't use their brains before doing anything. It is so outright embarassing to say the least. Words really failed me.

Sameera Reddy who was recently in Kuala Lumpur to shoot for Ajit’s Saran directedAsal had a horrific experience with the security guards of the Prime Minister of Malaysia!

The lanky beautiful actress told a Mumbai tabloid: "I was done from the shoot and was returning back to my hotel. I was in the hotel car park waiting for the lift, when suddenly, I noticed 10 security guards forming human chains and ushering someone into the lift. As I entered the lift, all of them followed me with the person they walked in with. Sensing a sensitive issue, I asked the hotel security guy escorting them whether I shall take the next ride up but he said that it was okay."

Sameera adds that the trouble started after that when she reached the main lobby floor and was moving out when all of a sudden, one of the security guys grabbed her arm and shoved her aside. Says Sameera: “I was shocked that someone had the audacity to manhandle me like that so I pulled his hand off me and asked him what the hell he was doing? He started shouting at me in Malay and when I screamed right back at him, he got aggressive. Another guard joined in and then, the whole situation got out of control, with both screaming and shouting. They tried to lift me bodily and throw me out of the lift, when the hotel guy finally intervened."

Later she came to know that they were security guards of the Prime Minister of Malaysia. Sameera says she did not want to create a ruckus in a foreign land where she didn't know the language and the brave girl that she is, says- “I was not scared or apprehensive but felt a bit proud that I had taken them on. No man can misbehave with me!"

[The views expressed in the article are the author's and not of Sify.com. ]

Geronimo's Take: While poor Yen Yen is trying very hard to bring tourists to our shores, here we have these nimcompoops going all out to sabortage her efforts. Was manhandling a female that necessary??? As a result of this incident, now the whole of the sub-Continent will know what we did to their star, and I am wondering whether Sameera will appear on "Koffee with Karan" to relate her ordeal to the world. *sigh*

This is what we expect from PAS after winning the Permatang Pasir by-election

PAS has won the Permatang Pasir state seat by-election in Penang today with a majority of 4,551 votes.

PAS candidate 55-year-old candidate Mohd Salleh polled 9,618 votes while BN's Mohd Rohaizat Othman, 38, garnered 5,067.Voter turnout had also decreased this time around to 73 percent. In the previous election, the turnout was 82.6 percent.

PAS actually maintained its share of the votes. In 2008 it was 66.39% and yesterday it was 65.5%, a drop of a mere 0.89%. That is less than 1%.

1. The PAS leadership does some soul-searching to see if their actions of late have put off a segment of the rakyat who have voted for them.
   
   Voted for them in the belief that PAS is part of the agenda for change, change for a fairer, more just, civil and democractic society.
   
   Not a society based on their extremist interpretation of what is good for all Malaysians!!
   
   
2. With this solid win , the rakyat hope the entire Pakatan Rakyat will work together instead of stabbing each another with racial and religion issues.
   PAS , DAP and PKR must remember that it was the Malaysians from all walks of live voted you in.
   
   It was NOT melayu who gave you the win, it was NOT the Chinese ,and definitely NOT the Indians who gave you the win.It was Malaysians who gave you the win.
   THIS is also NOT a license to PAS to ban this and that.
   We still want the beer, the 4Ds, the massage shops and karaoke.
   
   I go to hell, it is MY problem. Don't worry about me .
   
   Please use religion as a guiding principle and use religion as an example to teach and reach out to the masses.
   And yes, congratulations to PR and PAS.
   Please work together and discuss problems.
   And congratulations to Umno for their consistency in losing.

[Source: Malaysian Unplugged]

The Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno's case. It's oh so confusing.

Came across this article by blogger KTemoc Konsiders, and truthfully the legality behind it is so confusing.

The Malaysian Insider’s Legalities complicate Kartika’s caning refers to the case of Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno who was to be whipped this week for drinking beer.

Kartika Sari Dewi in Indonesian means the ‘goddess of the essence of the star’ (wow). And with such a name perhaps she has been protected by a Higher Being.


Syariah experts have discovered a lacuna in the court’s punishment decree against her, which may possibly prevent the authorities from caning her.

By the way, in case any Utusan reporter is reading this, ‘lacuna’ does not mean any insult to Islam, DPM Muhyiddin or Rais Yatim wakakaka.

According to Terengganu Chief Syariah Judge Datuk Ismail Yahya, and supported by senior civil law lecturer Professor Shad Saleem Faruqi, Kartika was fined RM5,000 and given six lashes by the Pahang Syariah Court for the offence of yamseng-ing on 12 July 12 two years ago at a nightclub in Cherating but no jail sentence.

In Malaysia only the prison department and no one else may cane a prisoner.

As Kartika wasn’t sentenced, she is not a prisoner, thus she needn't go to prison. Therefore how is the authority going to cane her?

Well, according to the Malaysian Insider, Islamic Development Department (Jakim) legal adviser Mohd Zulbahrin Zainuddin unsurprisingly asserted it requires just a warrant to require Kartika to turn up at the prison for sentence to be carried out.

He mumbled unconvincingly: “Kartika will just be detained. The prison is just a place for her to wait. If Kartika wants to object, she has to go to the Syariah High Court and file an appeal. Since she has not done so, it is considered a straightforward case.”

Not so, said Professor Shad Saleem Faruqi, arguing that a detention order (via a warrant to detain) is in fact a second sentencing, i.e, an additional penalty to the caning and RM5,000.

And as Kartika has paid the RM5,000, she can’t be jailed in lieu.

But she can’t be cane unless she is jailed. And she can't be jailed as there's no jail sentence imposed on her - the 'lacuna' that Professor Shad mentioned.

“We’ve got a lacuna, that is the person who is to be whipped must be jailed. According to the law, nobody can be deprived of his life or liberty, except by the law. In this case, the law came to an end when the trial ended.”

“The judge imposed only two punishments[i.e. RM5,000 and caning]. He cannot now turn around and impose a third punishment. This is illegal. It’s almost like double jeopardy.”

Shad also quoted Article 7 of the Federal Constitution which states that if a person has been convicted of an offence, he or she could not be tried again for that offence.

“Kartika was not sentenced to jail initially. It would be unjust for the court to impose a new penalty.”

“Only the Syariah Appeal Court can deal with this matter now. So, the DPP should appeal to have the sentence increased. But the judge of the first instance should not be increasing the sentence himself. That is wrong.”

Shad explained: “There are only two types of detention: remand and prison. It can’t be remand because Kartika was convicted. And it can’t be imprisonment because she was not given a jail sentence.”

Terengganu Chief Syariah Judge Datuk Ismail Yahya warned Jakim that the whipping will beultra vires [any Utusan reporter around? Wakakaka] and opened the authorities to a legal suit.

He advised: “Kartika can sue. This is because her detention, and subsequently the whipping, is illegal.”

For those Utusan reporters and Islamic Development Department (Jakim) legal adviser Mohd Zulbahrin Zainuddin, I say not ‘lacuna’nor 'ultra vires' but:

Alhamdulillah Allahu-Akhbar

Senator Edward Kennedy dies

US Senator Ted Kennedy, a lion of the American left and the last of the brothers who ruled US politics for years, has died of brain cancer, his family said Wednesday. He was 77.

"Edward M. Kennedy - the husband, father, grandfather, brother and uncle we loved so deeply - died late Tuesday night at home in Hyannis Port," Massachusetts, the Kennedy family said in a statement.

"We've lost the irreplaceable center of our family and joyous light in our lives, but the inspiration of his faith, optimism, and perseverance will live on in our hearts forever."

"We thank everyone who gave him care and support over this last year, and everyone who stood with him for so many years in his tireless march for progress toward justice, fairness and opportunity for all.

"He loved this country and devoted his life to serving it."

The "liberal lion" of the Senate was the youngest of the Kennedy brothers.

President John F Kennedy was assassinated in 1963.

Senator Robert Kennedy was shot dead as he campaigned for the 1968 Democratic presidential nomination.

Joe Kennedy, a pilot, died in World War Two.

- AFP

Monday Humour

Since I will not be around tomorrow, I thought I post this one day ahead.

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting,

'13...13....13...13.'


The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.

Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick.


Then they all started shouting:

'14...14...14...14....'.