It's humour time

Just to share with you guys a couple of humour, moving away from my daily blog on the on-going humdrum politics.

Humour 1 - Marital Bliss

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
And then the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
So, I took her to a petrol pump.
And then the fight started...

After retiring, I booked train tickets in senior citizen’s quota.
The TT asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
The TT said, “That silver hair on your head is proof enough for me” and allowed me to travel.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience.
She said, “You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.”
And then the fight started...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, “Do you know her?”
“Yes,” I sighed, “She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” says my wife, “who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
And then the fight started...

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
Nah, she can order for herself.”
And then the fight started...

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
The husband replies, “Your eyesight”s damn near perfect.”
And then the fight started.....

I tried to talk my wife into buying a whisky bottle for 500.
Instead, she bought a hair dye for 450.
I told her the whisky would make her look better at night than the hair dye.
And then the fight started....

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday and then the fight started.....

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o”clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man “Holy crap. That must be my husband!”
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.
He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, “I am your husband!”
The woman yelled back, “Yeah, then why were you running?”
And then the fight started.....

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”
And that’s when the fight started....

Humour 2 - TGIF

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated,"T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back at her and once again said , "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. "'T-G-I-F' means Thank Goodness It's Friday. Get it,duuhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."