Monday Humour

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,'
and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils,
I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to
revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they
concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It
represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per
hour.

If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips
back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare.
'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an
extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from
their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you
tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant.
That consulting firm I mentioned learned that we can save time in the restroom.

By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out
without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the
time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the

spoon ---

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Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients.

He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?"
Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!"

The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers.

The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little
concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on...."

At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Aiyoh, Ah Seng! Ah Pa pang jio in the fridge again!"

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QUESTION: How do you know frogs are Hokkien?
ANSWER : Because when it's cold, they go "kwah,kwah, kwah".

QUESTION : How do Hokkien prawns laugh?
ANSWER: Hae hae hae.

QUESTION: How do Hokkien fish laugh?
ANSWER: Hoo hoo hoo.

And here is a classic .....

QUESTION: What's the difference between Ang-mor fairy tales and Hokkien fairy Tales?

ANSWER: Ang-mor fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..."

and

Hokkien fairy tales begin with "Lim Peh ka lu kong..."