Monday Humour

UMNO protesters could not even get their simple English right.

Now you know why English is so important even if you want

to stage a protest.

Get it right, please!!

Shame on you when the whole world is reading those banners.

A total disgrace to all Malaysians!!!!

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The World Is Nuts!

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)

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In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)

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The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than 'going blind!')

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There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

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In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)

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Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England -- but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)

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In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

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In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

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In Maryland, USA it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only 'in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'
(Is this a great country or what? Well, not as great as Guam!)

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Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for these tests?)

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The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(Did our government pay for this research??)

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Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)

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An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that too.)

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Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)

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And, the best for last?
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

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Where to Cross The Border?

If You Cross The North Korean Border Illegally You Get 12 Years Hard
Labour.

If You Cross The Iranian Border Illegally You Are Detained Indefinitely.

If You Cross The Afghan Border Illegally, You Get Shot.

If You Cross The Saudi Arabian Border Illegally You Will Be Jailed.

If You Cross The Chinese Border Illegally You May Never Be Heard Again.

If You Cross The Venezuelan Border Illegally You Will Be Branded A Spy And
Your Fate Will Be Sealed.

If You Cross The Cuban Border Illegally You Will Be Thrown Into Political
Prison To Rot.

If You Enter Britain Illegally You Will be Arrested, Prosecuted And Sent To
Prison And Deported

If You Are An Indonesian And Illegally Cross The Malaysian Border You Get

- MyPR (Permanent Residence / Pemastautin Tetap)
- A Driving License,
- Voting Rights
- Job Reservation,
- Special Privilege to be Consider as Bumi,
- Credit Cards,
- Subsidized Rent Or A Loan To Buy A House,
- Free Education,
- Free Health Care,

And Of course � A privilege to become Snatch Theft / Robber / Serial Rapist

Hats off to the *****sian Gov & pseudo secularists in society, who elect
them.

Thank you all for reading this, if you need to reach me in the future I will be in Guam !!