The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So, Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and put them back in and, when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,750) when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic....
"Try doing it with the engine running."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and henotices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penisand Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
--------------------------------------------------------
Since this is a season of by-elections, here is something to laugh over ...
While walking down the street one day a Malaysian Boleh Minister istragically hit by a truck and dies.His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seemsthere is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I have made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Yang Berhormat. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules," says St. Peter. And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing infront of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and dressed in the finest batik there is. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then indulge themselves on lobsters, caviar and the most expensive food there is. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St Peter is waiting for him. "Now it' s time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the Yang Berhormat joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. Theyhave a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St Peter returns."Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Nowchoose your eternity." The Yang Berhormat reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, Iwould never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, butI think Ai yam better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers the Yang Berhormat. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster andcaviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning just like you did (full of lies and deceit) during an election........... Today you voted."
VOTE WISELY IN THE COMING ELECTION
-------------------------------------------------------
It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter-in- law arrives in the family, everything changes.
The new wife (progressive Indian woman),was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner.
As expected she gave a speech,
"My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family,
firstly, my being here does not mean that I would wantto change your way of life, your routine.
No, I will never do that, never in a million years."
"What do you mean my child?" asked the father-in-law.
"What I mean dad is (looking at her in-laws);
Those who used to wash the dishes, must carry on washing them
Those who used to do the laundry, must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked, should not stop at my account, AND
Those who used to clean, should continue cleaning !!!
"And what are you here for Bahurani?" queried the mother-in-law.
"AS FOR ME, I'M HERE JUST TO ENTERTAIN YOUR SON !!!"
--------------------------------------------------------
Since this is a season of by-elections, here is something to laugh over ...
While walking down the street one day a Malaysian Boleh Minister istragically hit by a truck and dies.His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seemsthere is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I have made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Yang Berhormat. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules," says St. Peter. And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing infront of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and dressed in the finest batik there is. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then indulge themselves on lobsters, caviar and the most expensive food there is. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St Peter is waiting for him. "Now it' s time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the Yang Berhormat joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. Theyhave a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St Peter returns."Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Nowchoose your eternity." The Yang Berhormat reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, Iwould never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, butI think Ai yam better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers the Yang Berhormat. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster andcaviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning just like you did (full of lies and deceit) during an election........... Today you voted."
VOTE WISELY IN THE COMING ELECTION
-------------------------------------------------------
It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter-in- law arrives in the family, everything changes.
The new wife (progressive Indian woman),was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner.
As expected she gave a speech,
"My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family,
firstly, my being here does not mean that I would wantto change your way of life, your routine.
No, I will never do that, never in a million years."
"What do you mean my child?" asked the father-in-law.
"What I mean dad is (looking at her in-laws);
Those who used to wash the dishes, must carry on washing them
Those who used to do the laundry, must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked, should not stop at my account, AND
Those who used to clean, should continue cleaning !!!
"And what are you here for Bahurani?" queried the mother-in-law.
"AS FOR ME, I'M HERE JUST TO ENTERTAIN YOUR SON !!!"
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