Monday Humour

SEX OF A FLY

A woman walked into the kitchen to find
her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies" he responded.

"Oh! Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone?

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Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman,
'Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?'

The barman says 'Yep, that's them.' So the guy walks

over and says, 'Hello, what are you guys doing?'

Bush says, 'We're planning world war 3'

The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'

And Vajpayee says, 'Well, we're going to kill a few hundred thousands of

Talibans and one bicycle repairman.'

And the guy exclaimed, 'A bicycle repairman?!!!'

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, 'See, I told you no-one would worry about
those Taliban fellas!'

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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor, a Singh, came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. He opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into his house.

A little later he came out of his house again, looking nervous, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again.

Angrily, back into the house he went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here our Singh came again,looking very heated up. He marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by his actions, the man asked him,'Is something wrong?'

To which the ferocious Singh replied, ' There certainly is!

My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!'

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A Jew died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with 'T'

2. How many seconds are in a year?

The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...

1. The two days of the week that begin with 'T' are Today andTomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

Saint Peter said, 'OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a
year?'

The Singh replied, 'Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,
etc...'

Saint Peter lets him in without another word.

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Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination.

He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.

He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

'Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar,' he says, ' it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief' ..'

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Ah Beng and Ah Lian were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like hell. So Ah Beng asked Ah Lian, 'Why are you crying?' Ah Lian replied, 'I came here for blood test' Ah Beng asked, 'So? Are you afraid ? ' She replied, ' No, not that. During the blood test they will cut my finger' Hearing this, Ah Beng started crying. Ah Lian was astonished and asked him, 'Why are you crying?'

To which he replied, 'I have come for my urine test.'