Monday Humour

Best Caddy Responses

Number :10
Golfer: I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake.
Caddy: Think you can keep your head down that long???

Number : 9
Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth.

Number : 8
Golfer: Do you think my game is improving???
Caddy: Yes, you miss the ball much closer now.

Number : 7
Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron???
Caddy: Eventually.

Number : 6
Golfer: You've got to be the worst caddy in the world.
Caddy: I don't think so. That would be too much of a coincidence.

Number : 5

Golfer: Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much
of a distraction.
Caddy: It's not a watch. It's a compass.

Number : 4
Golfer: How do you like my game???
Caddy: It's very good but personally, I prefer golf.

Number : 3

Golfer: Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday???
Caddy: The way you play, it's a sin on any day.

Number : 2
Golfer: This is the worst course I've ever played on.
Caddy: This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago.

And Number 1 - Best Caddy Comment:
Golfer: That can't be my ball, it's too old.
Caddy: It's been a long time since we teed off, Sir.

Bonus

An old favorite - about the Golfer who has been slicing off the tee at
every hole.

He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy.....

Golfer: Can you see any obvious problems???

Caddy: There's a piece of shit on the end of your club.

Golfer: He picks up his club up and cleans the club face.

Caddy: No Sir, it's at the other end.
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WHOSE SON IS BETTER OFF?

*Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years reunited at a
party...
*After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.
*Those who remained talked about their kids.
*The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy.
He started working at a successful company at the bottom of
the barrel.

 *
He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon
began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the
president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his
best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

*
The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my
pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went
to flight school to become a pilot.

*
Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he
owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his
best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'


*
The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the
best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his
own construction company and is now a multimillionaire...

*He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his
best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

*
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth
returned from the restroom and asked:
'What are all the congratulations for?'
*
One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel
for the successes of our sons...

*
What about your son?'

*
The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living
dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'
The three friends said: 'What a shame... What a
disappointment.'
*
The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed.
He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too bad either.

His birthday was two weeks ago,
and he received
a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion,
a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes
from his three boyfriends.'
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A SOMALIA IN AUSTRALIA

 

A Somalian arrives in Australia as a new
immigrant. He stops the first
person he sees walking down the street and says........

'Thank you Mr. Australian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money for food, free medical care, free education and no taxes!'

The passer by says,
'You are mistaken, I am Afgani!'

The man goes on and encounters another
passer by. 'Thank you for having such
beautiful country here in Australia !'

The person says, 'I not Australian, I Iraqi!'

The new arrival walks further and the next
person he sees he stops, shakes his hand
and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful Australia !

' That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Pakistan , I am not from Australia !'

He finally sees a nice lady and asks,

'Are you an Australian?'

She says, 'No, I am from India !'

Puzzled, he asks her,
'Where are all the Australians?'

The Indian lady checks her watch and says ...

'Probably at work'.

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 A FILIPINO POLICEMAN DOING A "BILLIE JEAN"
 



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A deal is a deal!

When Joe a nice man who was married for over 50 years died, his wife Myrtle was devastated. A couple of months later, Myrtle also died.

Once in heaven, Myrtle anxiously looked for Joe.
Suddenly, behind a cloud, she could clearly see him with another woman.She ran towards him, calling out to him, "Joe Darling... Joe……….."

Joe said: "Hold your horses woman, and don't 'darling' me. The deal was very clear...

'Until death do us part' "