Monday Humour

Blond MEN Jokes

A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The
blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
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Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a
police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
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A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains
the next time you & your wife are having sex. The whole street was
watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blonde man
replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home
yesterday."
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A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the
shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry
hair, and I've just wet mine."
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A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got
epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems
calm enough to me." The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out
of the bowl yet."
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A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the
envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure
out how to pick it up.
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A blond man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and
her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is
her husband!"
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A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to
swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him
over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop
says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
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A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says "Why
don't you put an ad in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog
is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here
boy!" he replies.
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A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him
hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blond replies. "It should be around your neck"
says the guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't
breathe."
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An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers
always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde man
replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."