WHY I LOVE THE LITTLE CHILDREN
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm
summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat
belt!'
2)
OPINIONS
On the first day of school,
a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The
opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the
jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE
NUDITY
A little boy got lost at
the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the
room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The
little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you
ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary
school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and
down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued
writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the
police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said
as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE #
2
It was the end of the day when I
parked my police van in front of the station.. As I gathered my equipment, my
K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is
that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I
replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the
canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false
teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of
questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe
this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a
party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you
shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it
always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church,
our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling
that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton
batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The
minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous
dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be
unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want
this line used at my funeral!)
10)
SCHOOL
A little girl had just
finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her
mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me
talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of
the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf
that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the
boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the
young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam 's underwear!'
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