It’s official, the Raya season has begun.
These are not just days ― and probably weeks ― of merriment, but also
deep contemplation. And for those in politics, considering all the
tumult-surprise-confusion which inundates Malaysian politics, it is that
brief spell to decide one’s future.
The quiet before the storm. The lull before peak-hour traffic is
compounded by an eight-vehicle pile-up. Workmen sharpening the
guillotine before the marketplace fills up in the aftermath of a
revolution.
I worry for the Umno leaders ― “what next” if they lose the coming
general election? Though many claim that’s unlikely, Umno booted out,
I’ll scenario it out. A one-stop career guidance counselling of sorts
for Umno men under a Pakatan Rakyat government. Especially for those who
win their seats and find themselves in the opposition.
For Pakatan Rakyat folks, a guide is unnecessary. They have always
faced the same day-after permutations for decades. Even when winning a
state, the real power still resides in Putrajaya. Moving from a bit more
to a bit less won’t scar us, we’d just have to find cheaper “mamak
spots” (street eateries).
But for the Umno men, they will be wandering in the desert with
little experience. So what can they do, when they lose power? Well...
let me tell you, or make something up.
We shall return — real reform, real value
Plan the return back to power.
The defeated can regroup and do some soul-searching. With nobody
having the living memory of general election annihilation, most might be
dumbfounded for some time.
The honourable thing to do would be to accept the situation and work
to improve it so that they will win the next general election. New faces
have to be promoted and given more say, and those who ran the show have
to step aside.
There will be money in Umno, but not as much as they are accustomed
to. They might have to resort to one seemingly horrible measure — to
fundraise.
A political fundraiser is when a party or candidate gathers people
physically or communicates to a group in a mailing list. These people
are told what the party and then the candidate stands for and then asked
to contribute if they believe in the cause. This is not a horse-trading
session. The party is not in a position to grant favours, it only
promises good government or a type of government when it wins.
Organisers cannot give people money, burgers and free transport to
the target audience. The idea is to collect from the people, not pay
them for support.
I’m being repetitive but I fear that many of my colleagues in Umno
will find this “fundraising” exercise incredulous and preposterous.
Many Umno reps would also have to downgrade their lifestyles. Being a
division chief or Member of Parliament will not be a ticket to
lucrative positions like directors of GLCs, heads of licensing boards or
the likes. They might even be unlucky enough that suddenly they are no
more closely related to someone holding a monopoly, fat contract or
highway concessionaire.
Émile Durkheim did point out in “The Anatomy of a Suicide” that a
drastic major fluctuation in wealth can have adverse effects on the
psychological well-being of individuals.
A less than opulent Umno might crack more than a few veterans. Those
multiple home and automobile repayments may hover like “live” power
cables.
Do you have room in the inn? (Umno men head to PKR or PAS)
Defection is a strong word, let’s rebrand it as right-positioning.
If you are used to power, then gravitating to those now in power seems only natural. Swallow your pride and take the new oath.
That, a fair number of Umno leaders might just do.
They have trained a nation to have a short memory and this will come
in handy. Malaysia’s “loathe to read but fed on TV majority” would
probably forget these leaders’ Umno past.
And for the Umno men, the adjusting to PKR and PAS would be more
fluid. Umno has no ideology, it stands for power. So those leaving don’t
have to denounce any philosophy or concept.
If you choose PKR, which incidentally was the main trajectory of all
their previous spew, you might have to feign innocence and say you were
just playing politics — repeat this sound-bite: “Don’t blame the player,
blame the game.”
If you choose PAS, then you just have to trade the songkok for a
skullcap, pray in public places and look mournful when you recollect the
misfortune which forced PAS to part company with Umno in 1978.
Quit politics and talk about it (The life of the political pundit)
A change of government would lead to a more open mainstream media operating with growing Internet content.
So much space, always there for the former politician to become
political pundits. Look at Mahathir Mohamad, a blogger on a mission.
Don’t worry if you don’t know much, the general public will not be surprised by this nugget of a disclosure.
The money might be thin, but the politician in you wants to be remembered and current.
You can write your story. (If you can’t type, don’t worry; if you
can’ tell a story, don’t worry; and if you can’t remember most of what
you were supposed to remember about your years in power, don’t worry.
This is why there are ghost writers. They’ll write everything and even
lie about knowing you.)
There is the additional option here, but rarely utilised, you can
draw your story. Use crayons, use water-colours, use oil or use all of
them. Or just a steady German-made pencil.
Emigrate
Over the years, us on the other side have been used to the taunt
aimed at us: “If you can’t deal with us in power, then just leave
Malaysia.”
I believe no citizen should be told this, I’m just saying they are welcome to review their own “strategic” dare.
Pauline Hanson, the former firebrand racist Australian politician,
said in 2010 that she was migrating to Britain because her country had
failed her. Her ideas and intentions to keep Australia more “white”
failed to capture the imagination of enough, or there were presumably
not enough racists in the country.
However, Hanson after staying in Europe changed her mind. She said
that too many immigrants have infiltrated Britain. The United Kingdom to
her had become not “white” enough.
The Pakatan Rakyat vision of less racism and more emphasis on
equality for all Malaysians — even if it takes a generation to realise —
ends up being too frightening, then the Umno man might have to look for
a for xenophobic locality to move to.
I’d have to warn the Umno leaders though, even if the new destination
has levels of hate akin to their taste like in parts of eastern Europe,
the animosity is directed at them.
Apparently even haters are hated by other haters of other sorts.
I’d mention also, though this is not to suggest anything in
particular, when choosing you might want to shortlist nations which
don’t have extradition treaties with Malaysia.
Business, run a business
In any situation, going into business is a common option.
A business would require basic sense of product or service and
recognise the market for the product.
Building a customer base takes
time and effort. With the proper care for margin in relation to sales
volume, a proper business will be realised.
You probably won’t get a business loan simply because you are a
political leader. You won’t get a major contract without showing a
portfolio of works and establish clear capacity to complete the job.
You’d have to comply with financial, industrial and ministerial
regulations depending on the nature of the business. You have to build a
management and live off margins.
Actually, now I think about it, you are better off not doing business.
Oddball choice: Public relations guru
I’m not sure how promising these options are, but I vaguely see value propositions linking politicians and the career.
You are part of a party which has without blinking sold to the public
the most outlandish plans; for example, defective submarines and a
national automotive policy built on protecting the inefficient.
There are many young, old, poor, rich, Scrabble playing or
sleep-walking citizens who will even after your electoral defeat believe
that you and Umno were only doing the best for the country.
I’m not sure what or how, but surely you must be a genius at public
relations by the virtue of your leadership in Umno. Perhaps a short
correspondence course will unearth more.
Always look on the bright side of life
Still, life outside power will be dim for the Umno man. For them,
they will always remember what was mighty about Rome, not that their
emperor played a fiddle while it burnt down.
I don’t expect them to change their minds because that involves invalidating the life they led, to a degree.
There would be one industry which would struggle for a short while
after Umno’s rule ends, stand-up comedians — they’ve never been short on
material in Umno-ruled Malaysia.
There is one silver-lining for them. Those replacing them will not be
vengeful as them, being mean is not an affectation you can just pick
up. It takes time; it took Umno leaders a long time to become the mean
cusses they are today.
[Source: The MI]
I was born on the prairies, where the wind blew free and there was nothing to break the light of the sun. I was born where there were no enclosures. [GERONIMO]
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Badminton legend Punch Gunalan dies
Former national badminton champion Punch Gunalan died of cancer at the Sime Darby Medical Centre in Subang Jaya this morning.
Gunalan, 68, breathed his last at around 6.20am at the medical centre formerly known as the Subang Jaya Medical Centre after falling seriously ill two weeks ago.
He leaves behind his wife, P Vijeyakumari, 64, and son Roshan Gunalan, 36, who is an orthopaedic specialist.
Gunalan (left) was one of the most talented singles and doubles badminton player ever produced by the country, contributing medals to the nation in many international competitions.
His illustrious career in badminton began in the early 60's when he won the singles, doubles, and mixed doubles events in the Negri Sembilan Badminton Championship (1961-1963).
His biggest contribution was winning the All-England championship in the men’s doubles event with his partner Ng Boon Bee in 1971.
A year earlier, in 1970, Gunalan and his doubles partner Ng made history when they won the first Commonwealth gold medal for Malaysia in Edinburgh, Scotland.
The team also picked up the gold medal in the Asian Games in Bangkok, Thailand, in the same year, while Gunalan also won the gold medal in the men’s singles event in the games.
In 1974, he succeeded once again in securing a gold medal for the country in the Commonwealth Games in Christchurch, New Zealand, this time in the men’s singles event, and earned the broze medal in the doubles event.
He also brought home gold medals in the men’s singles and doubles event in the South-East Asian Peninsular Games held in Singapore in 1973.
Gunalan also represented the nation in the Thomas Cup in 1970 and 1973.
He was also crowned as the National Sportsman of the Year in 1969 and 1974
Glory in 1992 Thomas Cup
After ending his playing career, Gunalan remained active as a national coach and successfully steered the national squad to glory in the Thomas Cup held in Kuala Lumpur in 1992.
Among his notable proteges are Rashid Sidek, Razif Sidek and Foo Kok Keong.
Gunalan was also an active member of the Asian Badminton Confederation (ABC) serving as its honorary general secretary, and was the president of the International Badminton Federation (IBF) from 2004 to 2008.
He also held the post of honorary secretary in the Badminton Association of Malaysia from 1985 to 1997. His final post in the the Malaysian badminton body was as its vice-president in 2005.
Gunalan was also given the honour of representing Malaysia to recieve the Commonwealth Games baton from Queen Elizabeth at the Buckingham Palace in London in 1998.
His remains will be brought to his home at No 9, Jalan 12/14B Petaling Jaya for visitors to pay their last respects from 1pm today before being taken to the Kampung Tunku Crematorium, in Petaling Jaya tomorrow at 4pm.
National Sports Council director-general Zolkples Embong said Gunalan contributed immensely to the country not only as an athlete but also as a coach and serving as an official in the top bodies of the sport such as the IBF.
He said Malaysia lost a great talent with the demise of Gunalan as he had brought glory to the country in the international arena.
“I personally knew him as a person who taught and helped a lot in the establishment of the nation’s badminton arena,” he said.
Media/public relations executive of the Malaysian Athletes Welfare Foundation (Yakeb) Muhammad Aiman Aminul Abdullah said the foundation would give a death contribution of RM11,000 to Gunalan’s family.
“Punch Gunalan was among the first members of Yakeb since 2008 and he contributed a lot of time and effort in the activities organised by Yakeb,” he said.
[Source: Bernama]
The 1974 All England Final between Rudy Hartono and Punch Gunalan
Gunalan, 68, breathed his last at around 6.20am at the medical centre formerly known as the Subang Jaya Medical Centre after falling seriously ill two weeks ago.
He leaves behind his wife, P Vijeyakumari, 64, and son Roshan Gunalan, 36, who is an orthopaedic specialist.
His illustrious career in badminton began in the early 60's when he won the singles, doubles, and mixed doubles events in the Negri Sembilan Badminton Championship (1961-1963).
His biggest contribution was winning the All-England championship in the men’s doubles event with his partner Ng Boon Bee in 1971.
A year earlier, in 1970, Gunalan and his doubles partner Ng made history when they won the first Commonwealth gold medal for Malaysia in Edinburgh, Scotland.
The team also picked up the gold medal in the Asian Games in Bangkok, Thailand, in the same year, while Gunalan also won the gold medal in the men’s singles event in the games.
In 1974, he succeeded once again in securing a gold medal for the country in the Commonwealth Games in Christchurch, New Zealand, this time in the men’s singles event, and earned the broze medal in the doubles event.
He also brought home gold medals in the men’s singles and doubles event in the South-East Asian Peninsular Games held in Singapore in 1973.
Gunalan also represented the nation in the Thomas Cup in 1970 and 1973.
He was also crowned as the National Sportsman of the Year in 1969 and 1974
Glory in 1992 Thomas Cup
After ending his playing career, Gunalan remained active as a national coach and successfully steered the national squad to glory in the Thomas Cup held in Kuala Lumpur in 1992.
Among his notable proteges are Rashid Sidek, Razif Sidek and Foo Kok Keong.
Gunalan was also an active member of the Asian Badminton Confederation (ABC) serving as its honorary general secretary, and was the president of the International Badminton Federation (IBF) from 2004 to 2008.
He also held the post of honorary secretary in the Badminton Association of Malaysia from 1985 to 1997. His final post in the the Malaysian badminton body was as its vice-president in 2005.
Gunalan was also given the honour of representing Malaysia to recieve the Commonwealth Games baton from Queen Elizabeth at the Buckingham Palace in London in 1998.
His remains will be brought to his home at No 9, Jalan 12/14B Petaling Jaya for visitors to pay their last respects from 1pm today before being taken to the Kampung Tunku Crematorium, in Petaling Jaya tomorrow at 4pm.
National Sports Council director-general Zolkples Embong said Gunalan contributed immensely to the country not only as an athlete but also as a coach and serving as an official in the top bodies of the sport such as the IBF.
He said Malaysia lost a great talent with the demise of Gunalan as he had brought glory to the country in the international arena.
“I personally knew him as a person who taught and helped a lot in the establishment of the nation’s badminton arena,” he said.
Media/public relations executive of the Malaysian Athletes Welfare Foundation (Yakeb) Muhammad Aiman Aminul Abdullah said the foundation would give a death contribution of RM11,000 to Gunalan’s family.
“Punch Gunalan was among the first members of Yakeb since 2008 and he contributed a lot of time and effort in the activities organised by Yakeb,” he said.
[Source: Bernama]
The 1974 All England Final between Rudy Hartono and Punch Gunalan
Monday, August 13, 2012
Malaysian criminal activities now getting international attention
The fear of crime is soaring in Malaysia as personal tales of abduction, assault
and robbery go viral online, raising pressure on authorities to respond and
triggering scrutiny of official claims that offences are down.
Shopping malls and residents' groups have launched patrols, sales of security equipment are surging, newspapers offer tips on how to avoid becoming a victim and social media are abuzz with anguish over the situation, AFP reports.
Residents of the multi-ethnic Muslim-majority country have long complained about bag-snatching and other petty crime. But more serious recent incidents have gained wide attention on the internet, channeling public concern in a country where nearly half the population of 28 million is on Facebook.
A day after two men tried to abduct Chin Xinci at knifepoint in her car at an upscale Kuala Lumpur mall in May, she wrote about the ordeal on the social networking site, a post that was shared more than 51,000 times. Fearing rape, she escaped by jumping from the vehicle as it slowed to exit the carpark. The attackers got away.
“To me, it felt like one long nightmare. We never think it's going to happen to us... and then it does,'' the 24-year-old wrote.
Prime Minister Najib Razak pledged to reduce crime after taking power in 2009 and, with fresh elections due next year, his government claims progress, saying the crime problem is being hyped online. It said the number of reported crimes fell 11.1 percent in 2011 and was down 10 percent in the first half of 2012, crediting stepped-up patrols in crime-hit areas and increased lighting in public.
But many victims say officers tell them there is little they can do to catch bag-snatchers and muggers, and critics say the drop in reported crimes could be due to the resulting apathy about seeking police help.
Home Minister Hishammuddin Hussein admitted authorities were losing the ''perception'' battle. “I'm not in denial. This is something that needs to be addressed,'' he said last month.
Malaysia's official crime rate appears relatively low when compared internationally.
According to the most recent government data, 740 crimes were reported per 100,000 people in 2009, compared with 665 in Singapore, but differing methods of data compilation make such comparisons imprecise.
Skepticism over the figures is rife, given that nearly every resident of Kuala Lumpur has been a victim of bag-snatching or “smash’’ thefts. In the latter case, perpetrators on motorcycles will shatter a car window at a red light, snatch belongings, and use the capital's notorious traffic jams to speed off unpursued.
``There has been a spike over the past couple of weeks with regard to especially this snatch theft and crimes against women,'' said Lee Lam Thye, vice-chairman of the government-linked Malaysian Crime Prevention Foundation. “When this goes on the internet and YouTube the impact is very great.’’
Some blame illegal immigrants but victims of some of the most brazen crimes say the perpetrators were Malaysians.
Whatever the causes, Facebook users are trading stories of women assaulted in mall carparks, and knife-wielding robbers tying up families.
National police chief Ismail Omar insisted last month that incidents were few, but conceded that people were becoming afraid of visiting shopping complexes.
Jeffrey Tan, general manager of Centrix Security, said sales of closed-circuit television cameras have
jumped 40 percent in the last three months.
[Source: The Standard, Hong Kong]
Shopping malls and residents' groups have launched patrols, sales of security equipment are surging, newspapers offer tips on how to avoid becoming a victim and social media are abuzz with anguish over the situation, AFP reports.
Residents of the multi-ethnic Muslim-majority country have long complained about bag-snatching and other petty crime. But more serious recent incidents have gained wide attention on the internet, channeling public concern in a country where nearly half the population of 28 million is on Facebook.
A day after two men tried to abduct Chin Xinci at knifepoint in her car at an upscale Kuala Lumpur mall in May, she wrote about the ordeal on the social networking site, a post that was shared more than 51,000 times. Fearing rape, she escaped by jumping from the vehicle as it slowed to exit the carpark. The attackers got away.
“To me, it felt like one long nightmare. We never think it's going to happen to us... and then it does,'' the 24-year-old wrote.
Prime Minister Najib Razak pledged to reduce crime after taking power in 2009 and, with fresh elections due next year, his government claims progress, saying the crime problem is being hyped online. It said the number of reported crimes fell 11.1 percent in 2011 and was down 10 percent in the first half of 2012, crediting stepped-up patrols in crime-hit areas and increased lighting in public.
But many victims say officers tell them there is little they can do to catch bag-snatchers and muggers, and critics say the drop in reported crimes could be due to the resulting apathy about seeking police help.
Home Minister Hishammuddin Hussein admitted authorities were losing the ''perception'' battle. “I'm not in denial. This is something that needs to be addressed,'' he said last month.
Malaysia's official crime rate appears relatively low when compared internationally.
According to the most recent government data, 740 crimes were reported per 100,000 people in 2009, compared with 665 in Singapore, but differing methods of data compilation make such comparisons imprecise.
Skepticism over the figures is rife, given that nearly every resident of Kuala Lumpur has been a victim of bag-snatching or “smash’’ thefts. In the latter case, perpetrators on motorcycles will shatter a car window at a red light, snatch belongings, and use the capital's notorious traffic jams to speed off unpursued.
``There has been a spike over the past couple of weeks with regard to especially this snatch theft and crimes against women,'' said Lee Lam Thye, vice-chairman of the government-linked Malaysian Crime Prevention Foundation. “When this goes on the internet and YouTube the impact is very great.’’
Some blame illegal immigrants but victims of some of the most brazen crimes say the perpetrators were Malaysians.
Whatever the causes, Facebook users are trading stories of women assaulted in mall carparks, and knife-wielding robbers tying up families.
National police chief Ismail Omar insisted last month that incidents were few, but conceded that people were becoming afraid of visiting shopping complexes.
Jeffrey Tan, general manager of Centrix Security, said sales of closed-circuit television cameras have
jumped 40 percent in the last three months.
[Source: The Standard, Hong Kong]
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Monday Humour
CHILDREN ARE QUICK
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Richard, why do you always get so dirty?
RICHARD: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: CIive , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
Clive : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________________________________
ENGLISH FROM AROUND THE WORLD
In a Bangkok Temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok: DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctor's office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
A Laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a Cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
In a Tokyo Bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. (Just Like British Airways!!!)
And finally the all time classic:
Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window: IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED, PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE…
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Richard, why do you always get so dirty?
RICHARD: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: CIive , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
Clive : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________________________________
ENGLISH FROM AROUND THE WORLD
In a Bangkok Temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok: DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctor's office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
A Laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a Cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
In a Tokyo Bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. (Just Like British Airways!!!)
And finally the all time classic:
Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window: IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED, PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE…
Friday, August 10, 2012
Zunar's new animated feature - Enjoy!
Political cartoonist Zunar has come out with his latest take on Malaysian politics, and this time he goes one step further with a five-minute animated political satire.
Describing the production, posted on YouTube as well as on his website www.zunarcartoonist.com as "extremely low budget", Zunar hoped it was the beginning of better produced animated political cartoons in future.
"I plan to continue for the next series, but an animation production cannot proceed without financial help," he told Harakahdaily in a statement.
Seen as a first in Malaysia's less-travelled road of political satire, Zunar said the clip, titled '1 Funny Malaysia' based on his published works, was produced to fulfill fans' demands "as well as to venture a new dimension in my career using technologies".
Although the three main characters have been renamed in the clip, the references are obvious: slain Mongolian woman Altantuya Shaariibuu, prime minister Najib Razak and his wife Rosmah Mansor, all of whose caricature Zunar has been too used with drawing.
But the task of bringing Malaysian political characters alive also requires being alive financially. "I hope fans and supporters can contribute on the funding through my website zunarcartoonist.com," added Zunar
Describing the production, posted on YouTube as well as on his website www.zunarcartoonist.com as "extremely low budget", Zunar hoped it was the beginning of better produced animated political cartoons in future.
"I plan to continue for the next series, but an animation production cannot proceed without financial help," he told Harakahdaily in a statement.
Seen as a first in Malaysia's less-travelled road of political satire, Zunar said the clip, titled '1 Funny Malaysia' based on his published works, was produced to fulfill fans' demands "as well as to venture a new dimension in my career using technologies".
Although the three main characters have been renamed in the clip, the references are obvious: slain Mongolian woman Altantuya Shaariibuu, prime minister Najib Razak and his wife Rosmah Mansor, all of whose caricature Zunar has been too used with drawing.
But the task of bringing Malaysian political characters alive also requires being alive financially. "I hope fans and supporters can contribute on the funding through my website zunarcartoonist.com," added Zunar
Our National Day is an Islamic event?
The theme of the National Day celebrations this year, 'Janji Ditepati' (Pledges Fulfilled) is not a political rhetoric but based on the religious demand.
Prime Minister Najib Tun Razak said the theme was proof that the Barisan Nasional (BN) government was guided by the Quran and Sunnah in discharging its responsibilities to the people as a whole.
"The theme is based on religious principles. We (BN) struggle to fulfil our promises to the people.
"We will fulfil our pledges to give confidence to the people. We want to prove that our country is a model of an Islamic nation," he said at a breaking of fast with the people in Kampung Padang Nenas, here on Thursday.
Also present were Menteri Besar Ahmad Said and about 10,000 people.
Najib said that in Islam if any pledge was not fulfilled, it could be construed as being hypocritical.
"So as a government, we will fulfil the pledges. We are prepared to be rejected by the people if our pledges are not fulfilled," he said.
As such, he said, there was no need for anyone to be afraid about the theme of the National Day.
"Among the people, we too must meet the promises made. Even in business, we want to deal with people who fulfil their pledges and in terms of the government, we also want a government that fulfils its pledges," he said.
He said the people should be grateful for the blessing that they were living in a prosperous nation like Malaysia.
"During the fasting month, we can carry out our religious obligations properly unlike in some other countries.
"The BN has succeeded in looking after the welfare of the people through various programmes and hope that the people will continue to give their support to the BN," he said.
Najib later gave away Ramadan contributions to orphans, the handicapped, senior citizens and single mothers.
Later, he performed the Maghrib prayer at Masjid Kampung Padang Nenas and the terawih prayer at Masjid Wakaf Tembesu before returning to the federal capital.
[Source: MM]
Back in the 60s when I was in the secondary school and a member of the school's Boy Scout movement, I had the opportunity to participate in march pasts at the Merdeka Stadium. The feeling that I experienced was most indescribable especially when orders were given for us to march out from the tunnels into the open arena of the stadium. The sound, the sight was something to behold. All this time, I took it as an event celebrated by all Malaysians from all walks of life. But now, I am told it is an Islamic event. I am in cognitive dissonance to say the least. So since this is the case, I will not be participating even as a spectator as I am a Christian and with the recent rap by Ridhuan Tee about Christians, I would feel most unwanted and out of place. The second issue is about looking after the welfare of the people (see paragraph marked in red). What a liar and the following video will prove it!
We have to talk about Najib (10 reasons for polls delay)
Yes, it is that time.
Since Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak never tells what bothers him, we have to take matters into our own hands. We have to talk about Najib, clearly he is befuddled by a fairly complex electorate undecided on him as a brand and then as prime minister.
So many have asked, what is holding back Najib, so I listed some reasons what I believe are keeping him from dissolving Parliament and calling Malaysians to pass judgment on 57 years of Barisan
Nasional (BN) rule — since the Alliance (BN’s precursor) win in 1955.
1. Anwar Ibrahim
Whichever way he looks at it, the spectre of Anwar looms large, casting a shadow over his whole administration. Najib used to take instructions from Anwar during his Umno Youth days, through to him competing for a vice-president post only when the ex-finance minister vacated the spot to challenge for the deputy presidency in 1993.
Najib wants to go into an election preferably when Anwar is tottering not when he is in the midst of pulling the strings with various developments, primarily in Borneo.
Najib wouldn’t be faulted to assume that he is prime minister today because Anwar was sacked, which led to a chain of events resulting in his rise to the top.
Abdullah Ahmad Badawi became prime minister because Dr Mahathir Mohamad picked him to replace Anwar. Abdullah lost the top post because Anwar’s united opposition coalition made unprecedented gains in 2008.
2. The Chinese have left the building
The worst thing for the Najib camp has not actually been losing a substantial number of ethnic Chinese votes since 2008, but the continued drone from all Barisan Nasional leaders conceding over and over that the Chinese vote have deserted them.
They have institutionalised the position.
The analysis of the BN punters has been that as long as the Indian vote is split enough, then the Malay swing compounded by gerrymandering will give enough seats in the peninsula to convince all the Borneo component party leaders to remain with BN.
Because of the fractious relationship between Umno and the MCA — let’s use each other but with all the suspicion possible — the former’s operatives have little restraint in repeating the Chinese have bolted.
This is adding to the discussion that the MCA and Gerakan are relying on ethnic Malay votes to win seats.
Najib therefore is haunted by the loss of the Chinese votes, made worse by lieutenants widely playing down the Chinese vote.
3. The Internet, humbug....
Post-GE2008, all the “brains” at PWTC were annoyed that the online battle had only one player, the Pakatan Rakyat groups.
BN lost the Internet space battle by not being in it, so they decided to change focus.
While there are umpteen number of BN blogs, websites, social media activities and many more being planned, the Internet has been unwieldy.
Despite BN having money and personnel — cyber-troopers — they tragically do not have appeal.
BN’s social media rides on the resource pumped in, very little is generated in the way of community involvement.
If there is a large gathering for Najib for his Facebook friends, it is because the prime minister’s office worked the invites and paid for the luncheon.
If people had to pay to have lunch with Najib then the turnout would be far more different.
His people don’t get it, they are just adamant that money will fix it. Therefore their results are limited and their reach appalling considering the money spent.
Consider the uproar over the National Day song “Janji Ditepati”. As of 3am today, 371,505 people viewed the song on YouTube; an encouraging number of views. Unfortunately for the songwriters, 35,720 or almost 10 per cent dislike the song. And a paltry 608 or 0.16 per cent liked it — there is only that many times your cyber-dudes can “Like” the same item.
Yes, the Internet is not fun for BN.
4. Borneo subterfuge
Every visit by Pakatan Rakyat leaders to Sabah or Sarawak causes heartburn for Umno leaders.
The talk is swirling that even Sarawak is up for discussion.
The two MPs — Lajim Ukin and Wilfred Bumburing — departing from the BN stable in Sabah has upped the ante and initiated a new round of speculations.
Unless Najib has some way of grasping a semblance of control over Borneo in the coming weeks, the election date will keep sliding away.
5. BR1M 2 — because two is more than one
The verdict on BR1M — the campaign to put RM500 once-off in the pocket of each poor household last March 2012 — is unimpressive. Many, many people were happy to receive the monies and they truly were, but the recipients were largely glad but did not feel indebted to the government.
The dynamics of what is expected from a gift has shifted dramatically in the last decade.
However, since the cornerstone of BN politics is patronage, they cannot help but spend to win voters. Which is why the “promise” of another BR1M 2 is being dangled over the population.
They’ve announced BR1M 2 in roundabout ways, and they know that it would take very little to shake up their support base. A BR1M 2 is imminent before the general election.
6. Muhyiddin Yassin
Muhyiddin couching himself as an unapologetic Malay champion allows him to be broadly popular inside Umno, even if that sentiment is not shared by other component party leaders.
But as any BN man would swear, the Umno president is prime minister. That’s non-negotiable, so the means to become Umno president by being populist has always worked.
The posturing of Muhyiddin must keep Najib worried.
A poor general election result will immediately propel Muhyiddin to top leadership.
7. Budget 2013
The window between National Day and the Budget announcement on September 28 is too short, but more pertinent the chance to shape how government spending in 2013 may be too tempting for Najib.
Winning now would give Najib more mandate to shape his spending however he feels, but the safety first nature in him might force him to consider spending more money in the first quarter from a new budget which would lead to an easy electoral victory.
8. Symbolic gaffes
The latest one would be the National Day logo and song. Gone are the days where the rakyat accepted the crudest and weirdest logos irrespective.
The ability of Malaysians to milk the situation has the public image consultants in knots, because the politicians they defend are equally indifferent on backing down gracefully.
The symbols are intended as launching pads to capture the imagination of the rakyat. But when the symbols themselves become contentious, then any traction is lost.
9. Waiting is not losing
Our Pekan MP has bided his time all the time. He says so as much in his comic books that all these stepping stones were planned out without rocking the boat.
Najib realises he is prime minister until there is a general election, therefore there are perks in waiting.
Therefore a no contest for now is not a step backwards, however it is not a step leading to loss.
He would rather wait, it appears
10. Implode please, Pakatan
The history of any coalition to oust the Barisan Nasional has been littered with break-ups.
The issues are usually forced upon the DAP and PAS. Hudud has always been a deal breaker, and in the instance of the DAP, there are constant fears put out of Malay states falling under Chinese rule. Or perhaps frustration that PAS’s slow rejection of Umno’s overtures of Malay unity might annoy others.
The spats always get out of hand as the mainstream media plays out the most minute and inane differences.
Najib is probably hoping for an early Christmas, that something major happens and then he gets a free pass at the next polls.
How likely is Najib’s wish? Perhaps not, since this is the longest time the DAP and PAS have worked together with a major deterioration of ties.
What do Malaysians do then now? We wait. By every day of waiting to call polls, Najib risks losing as much gaining ground.
Still, Najib can’t make up his mind.
Or we can spend the time considering this: will voting in BN back to power lead to another lengthy period of political uncertainty?
I’m partisan, so you can ignore me and answer as you wish. But I’m pretty sure you’d come to a deliberate decision far sooner than Najib.
He’s stuck.
[Source: The MI]
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