Monday Humour

CHILDREN ARE QUICK 

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Richard, why do you always get so dirty?
RICHARD: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
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TEACHER: CIive , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
Clive : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher 
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ENGLISH FROM AROUND THE WORLD

In a Bangkok Temple:           IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN. 
 Dry cleaners, Bangkok:         DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.         
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:            WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?         
 Cocktail lounge, Norway:     LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.         
 Doctor's office, Rome:          SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.          
 A Laundry in Rome:  LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
In a Nairobi restaurant:        CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.     
 On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:   TAKE NOTICE:  WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.       
 On a poster at Kencom:        ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ?  IF SO WE CAN HELP.         
 In a City restaurant:  OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.  
 In a Cemetery:           PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.  
 Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:           GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.           
 In a Tokyo Bar:          SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.     
 On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:           OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.       
Hotel, Yugoslavia:     THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.      
 Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.       
 In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.          
 A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:  IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
 Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.           
 Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:   WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.  (Just Like British Airways!!!)      

And finally the all time classic:
Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window: IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED, PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE…