Thursday, July 28, 2016

Humour for the day

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix!"
The wife teed up and it was a very powerful shot, taking it right through the window of the biggest house on the course with a crash. The husband cringed and said "I told you to watch out for the houses! All right, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost." 

joke golf genie

They walked up, knocked on the door and heard a voice say "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said "Are you the people that broke my window?" 
"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied. 
"No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me! I'm allowed to grant three wishes, and I'll give you each one wish and keep the last one for myself." 
genie golf joke
"Wow, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year
 for the rest of my life!" 
"No problem. It's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, 
looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country of the world!" she said. 
"Consider it done!" the genie replied.
"And what's your wish genie, now that you're finally free?" asked the husband. 
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a 
thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife." 
The husband looked at the wife and said "Well, we did get a lot of money and 
all those houses honey. I guess I don't care." The genie took the wife upstairs 
and ravished her for two hours. Afterwards, the genie rolled over, 
looked at the wife, and said "How old is your
 husband anyway?" 
"38." she replied. 
"And he still believes in genies? That's amazing!"

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Like it or not, the National Security Council Act 2016 will come into force on August 1 2016

Despite the lack of royal assent from the Yang di-Pertuan Agong and calls from the Conference of Rulers for the law to be referred back to the legislature for amendments, the BN-led government has decided to go ahead with gazetting the National Security Council Act 2016 into law, which will come into force on Aug 1.

"In exercise of the powers conferred by subsection 1(2) of the National Security Council Act 2016 (Act 776), the prime minister appoints Aug 1, 2016 as the date on which the Act comes into operation," read the notice on the Federal Gazette displayed on the Attorney-General's Chambers' website.

The notice was signed by Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak, who is credited with being the architect of the act.

From Aug 1, Najib as prime minister can declare any area he so chooses as a security area which will suspend civil liberties and allow for special police powers to be administered by the NSC that he appoints.

The administrator and security forces in charge of a security area will also be given wide powers which cannot be legally challenged or questioned, a move that critics say belie Malaysia's status as a democratic country.

All these powers can be exercised without having to consult the Agong, who previously held the sole authority to declare national or state emergencies.

Critics worry that the wide powers granted to Najib may be abused for purposes other than security matters.

Besides, the prime minister may now bypass the Agong on this very grave matter.

Historically, the BN has been accused of abusing even emergency declarations with the Agong's assent, like in Kelantan, Sarawak and Sabah, all of which have been accused of having links to political machinations.

Critics are concerned that if abuses occurred even with royal safeguards in place, worse things could happen if the BN and Najib have free reign.

However, Najib and his government have maintained that the act is only to be used in actual security situations like the Lahad Datu incursion or in the event of terror incidents, denying accusations that it is to beef up federal powers.

[Source: Mkini]

Have these Perkasa warriors gone into the extortion racket?

KUANTAN - A local dried goods businessman has lodged a police report alleging that a group of men claiming to be from Perkasa extorted money from him over a Facebook posting of a photograph of a dog in his premises.
Kuantan Municipal Council (MPK) local councillor Ngoh Tian Meng said the man, who wanted to be known only as Aw, complained that six men threatened to burn down his shop at Batu Tiga here if he did not pay up.
"The issue first came to light when a photograph of a dog in the shop's drying area was posted on Facebook.
"It was reported that MPK had already issued 33 compounds totalling RM8,250 (S$3,101) to Aw for failing to ensure cleanliness at his premises.
"However, on Wednesday, a group of men claiming to be from Perkasa showed up at Aw's shop demanding RM20,000 or else they would burn it down.
"Aw gave them RM15,000 that day," said Ngoh when contacted yesterday.
He added that Aw felt he was being extorted and subsequently lodged a police report, but later wanted to withdraw the report out of fear for his family's safety.
"Kuantan MCA chief Datuk Seri Ti Lian Ker has advised him to press on, assuring that the police will investigate the matter," said Ngoh.
Kuantan OCPD Asst Comm Abdul Aziz Salleh confirmed that they had received the report, saying that police were investigating the case under criminal extortion.
[Source: AsiaOne]

Humour For The Day

TEXT MESSAGES CAN GET MISCONSTRUED SO EASILY ....

Dear John, this is Alan next door. I am sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you.
I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse I know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. I promise that it won't happen again. Please come up with a fee for usage, and I'll pay you.
Regards, Alan.

The Response
 
John, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, stomped next door and shot his neighbor dead.  He returned home, poured himself a stiff drink and went out into the garden for some fresh air.  He took out his phone where he saw he had a subsequent message from his neighbor.
 The Second Text Message


Hi John,
This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the slight typo on my last text. I expect you worked it out anyway, but as I’m sure you noticed that my smart phone’s Autocorrect feature changed “Wi-Fi” to ˜Wife”. Technology hey?? Hope you saw the funny side of that.
Regards, Alan.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Humour For The Day

The other day, a gentleman went to the dentist's office to have a tooth pulled. 

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give him a shot. 

"No way! No needles! I hate needles", the man said.


The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man immediately objected.

"I can't do the gas thing either; the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!"



The dentist then asks the gentleman if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection", the man said. "I'm fine with pills".
The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet".


The gentleman, totally at a loss for words, said in amazement, "WOW, I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"

"It doesn't", said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth."

US3.5 billion breakdown for simple folks ~ By Zakiah Koya


According to the civil lawsuit filed by the US Department of Justice to seize 1MDB assets, it was alleged that between 2009 and 2015, more than US$3.5 billion in funds belonging to 1MDB was misappropriated.

As of today, US$3.5 billion equals to RM14.3 billion. 

What is RM14.3 billion? Let us break it down to what we common people can understand:
Let’s say one MyVi-advanced with all specs - the most expensive MyVi - is RM58,000. RM14.3 billion means about 246,551 units of MyVi. 

Let’s say a low cost house, 800 sq ft with three rooms in Kuala Lumpur costs RM150,000. RM14.3 billion means more than 95,333 of such houses. 

Let’s say a public university graduate needs a scholarship of RM100,000 to complete his or her four years of study. 

RM14.3 billion means more than 143,000 such scholarships. (One must remember that it takes less than that for a public university student to graduate, unless he or she is doing a medical course.)
Now, let’s say a bungalow costs RM2.8 million. RM14.3 billion means about 5,107 of such bungalows. 

The whole budget for Malaysia this year was RM267.2 billion. RM14.3 billion is about 5.4% of the whole budget of the country. 

Under the 2016 budget, RM7 billion is to sponsor 72,000 Bumiputra students to continue their tertiary education. Therefore, RM14.3 billion would have sponsored more than 144,000 Bumiputra students to continue their tertiary education. 

BRIM this year for a household earning RM3,000 and below, is RM1,000. Pocketing RM14.3 billion would mean stealing the BRIMs of more than 14 million households.

Under the budget, RM190 million would have set up 50 farmers’ markets and 150 new Agrobazaars Rakyat 1Malaysia. Taking away RM14.3 billion would mean breaking down 3,763 farmers’ markets and 11,289 new Agrobazaar Rakyat 1Malaysia. 

A medium-income household living on RM5,000 a month spends the money on the instalment of the house and car, and groceries. This means if someone took away RM14.3 billion, 2.9 million such households were left homeless and hungry for one whole month.

The dividends paid out by EPF as of February this year was RM38.24 billion. If someone pocketed RM14.3 billion, this means they pocketed 37% of that dividend. 

Highway concessionaire Plus Expressway Bhd (Plus) is supposed to have collected RM2.61 billion in 2014 alone. If RM14.3 billion were paid to Plus, Plus could likely provide five years of no-tolls for users of Plus highways. 

So, now that we have these calculations, maybe we common people can grasp how much is exactly the RM14.3 billion that 1MDB allegedly misappropriated on gambling debts, collectors’ art, luxury yachts, jets and luxury homes.

Monday, July 25, 2016

The Malaysian Birth Rate

According to the latest figures of the Statistics Department, the country's population rises to 31.7 million in 2016, up by half a million from last year's. Of this, bumiputras make up 68.6% (21,746,200), followed by the Chinese at 23.4% (7,417,800) and the Indians at a mere 7% (2,219,000).

While the ethnic Chinese population is on the rise, and has soared past the 7 million mark, birth rate among Chinese Malaysians remains relatively low, resulting in declining percentages over the years.
Statistics show that Malay and bumi birth rate is also moderating, but the trend began to surface only after 2000 while that of Chinese Malaysians saw drastic drops as early as in the 1980s, with no indication of reversal any time soon.

On average a Malay woman gave birth to 2.6 children last year, and Chinese women could only manage 1.4.

If this trend is not arrested and reversed soon, given the marked ageing phenomenon among Chinese Malaysians, it is a matter of time the population will see a negative net growth, meaning more deaths than births among the Chinese. The percentage of Chinese population may slip from the current 23% to only about 18% or even lower another three or four decades down the road.
Although Chinese Malaysians are already a minority group in this country, with foreign migrants outnumbering Chinese Malaysians in the years to come, the community's fate in the future is way beyond our imagination.

As a matter of fact, dwindling birth rate is not an exclusive phenomenon among Chinese Malaysians only. The same trend is seen everywhere across the planet, thanks to generally better education, higher incomes, improved feminism awareness, double-salary urban families, late marriages and a host of other factors. But among Chinese Malaysians, this is accentuated by realistic economic pressure arising from policy discrepancies such as exorbitant education fees, among others. As a consequence, many have opted to give birth to fewer children or none at all.

Against the backdrop of falling birth rate among Chinese Malaysians as well as the country's one-man one-vote electoral system and cruel political reality, this will invariably erode the community's rights in a number of fields such as politics, economy and education, and will have far-fetching effects on the community's grip in politics and economic domination.

Chinese Malaysians must give birth to at least three children each in order to make up the shortfall in population ratio. Childbirth is no longer a personal option or problem, but rather a critical event that will shape the community's destiny in future.

As such, it is now time for Chinese-predominant political parties in the country to seriously look into this issue and explore ways collectively to overcome the dilemma.

The rights of the country's Chinese community can only be assured if young Chinese Malaysians are encouraged to give birth to more children in a bid to maintain an equilibrium in childbirth rates among the ethnic communities.

[Source: MySinChiew]