Wednesday, February 29, 2012

NFC Hu-mooo-r


Initially, I wanted to post this on my Monday Humour column, but then I thought it is too good to hold  on till next week.

Q: What is the nation suffering from at this moment?
A: Cowburn Mooonoxide!

Q: What are the twists and spins given by the bosses of the National Feedlot Corporation (NFC) scandal called?
A: Mooodifications!

Q: Who was the then Agriculture minister who dubiously awarded the project to the incompetent Shahrizats in 2006 and initially said he saw “nothing unusual or anything wrong” with the project and passed the buck to current minister Noh Omar to answer further questions?
A. DPM, Mooyiddin!

Q: The Shahrizats has no cattle-rearing experience whatsoever?
A. Yes, they were moo-clue-less!

Q: And they were given RM250 million in soft government loans meant to develop a cattle project but ended up buying luxury apartments and a Mercedes, and going on expensive overseas trips?
A. Yes, a very mooortifying fact for the country in hard economic times!

Q: What was the PM’s initial response in Parliament over the scandal?
A: Najib said it was doing mooovellous! There was no wrongdoing. Production will soon increase to “12,000 cattle from 6,000 previously”.

Q: How can one describe in a word current Agriculture Minister Noh’s initial denial in parliament of any impropriety in the award of the project and even calling the project a “success”?
A. Mooonshine!

Q: What about Umno Youth leader Khairy Jamaluddin, who strenuously defended the project initiated during his father-in-law’s premiership and in trying to douse the growing national anger?
A. Sheer mooollifying!

Q: What can be said of Shahrizat’s long and lame logic that there was no conflict of interest?
A: Mooonologues!

Q: What did the cows say of Shahrizat’s lame excuse: “I am only the wife of the NFC boss!”
A: Moooshit!

Q: MACC’s failure to take any action against the bosses (the husband and children of Shahrizat) in spite of the growing and overwhelming evidence of the misappropriation of public funds, is called?
A: Mooockery!

Q: What did the Minister in the PM’s Department, Nazri Aziz exhibit when he declared that the NFC has “breached its loan conditions…The money that was meant for the cattle industry was used for something else”.
A: A mooodicum of intelligence!

Q: Nazri advice that the best way to resolve the issue without having Shahrizat resign is for her family members who are involved in the project to repay the RM250 million soft loan?
A: Moooronic, to say but the least!

Q: How can Noh Omar’s insistence that he did not know if the NFC breached loan conditions as suggested by Nazri Aziz, be viewed as?
A: Pure “moooyang kulit”

Q: What did Najib whisper to Shahrizat whilst hinting to her to step down?
A: Moooderation!

Q: What was the angry Shahrizat’s reply?
A: Mooodesty! Tell Rosmah that when she goes on her shopping trips!

Q: What could have been Shahrizat’s favourite childhood game?
A: Mooonopoly!

Q: What did Dr M and Rafidah advise Shahrizat?
A: Time to mooove!

Q: How has the Opposition viewed the NFC scandal?
A: It has been moousic to their ears!

Q: How has the NFC scandal affected Umno?
A: It has made it look more and more like a moooribund party!

Mooore next time!

Monday, February 27, 2012

Remember what Najib said about "crushed bodies"?

They say, a picture paints a thousand words.  So, what do these pictures say about UMNO now?
First Najib talked about "crushed bodies" and yesterday, Chua Soi Lek told MCA members to focus their attacks on DAP.  Now it seems supporters of UMNO are taking the cue and from what have taken place so far, there appears to be some form of coordinated effort made nation-wide to disrupt all Pakatan ceramahs. This must be the new modus operandi of UMNO.  If this is kept up with the GE13 getting ever so close, will we be descending into a state of anarchy?  The pictures below will give you an idea how the modus operandi works - disrupt all Pakatan ceramahs, if necessary by violence if they don't pack up and go home.
Victor Hugo, the French poet once said, "An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come."
And Najib had better believe it!

IN KLANG/SHAH ALAM

The ABU/HINDRAF gathering in Klang on January 22 2012

IN SEMBRONG, JOHORE

Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim's car dented by UMNO supporters who not only kicked the car but stoned it as well, in Sembrong, Johore on February 19 2012

IN PENANG

UMNO supporters disrupting the anti-Lynas protest in Penang with one reporter ended up with eight stitches

IN GAMBANG, PAHANG

UMNO supporters disrupting the ceramah attended by Nurul Izzah Ibrahim and Nik Nazmi in Gambang, Pahang on February 26 2012
It was fortunate that Nurul Izzah was not hurt during the ceramah.  It was reported that one youth almost physically abused her had it not been for the timely intervention of a PKR supporter.  Read full report here.

BN/UMNO MUST GO COME GE13!  THERE IS NO LONGER ANY DOUBT!

A Quote To Start Your Day


Monday Humour

THE SMILING JEW   
A well known Anti-Semite, walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by wearing a jewish cap / kippa, a prayer 
shawl / tzitzis, and traditional locks of hair / payos. 
 
He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish. 
So he shouts over to the bartender so loudly, that everyone can hear, 
 
"Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for that Jew over there.”; 
 
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, he notices that the Jewish guy is smiling and waving to him and says 
' Thank You ' in an equally loud voice, so that everyone can hear. 
 
This infuriates the Anti-Semite and in a loud voice, he once again orders drinks for everyone except the Jew. 
But as before, this does not seem to worry the Jewish guy who continues to smile, and again says, "Thank you." 
So the guy asks the barman, "What's the hell is the matter with that Jew? I've ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar except 
for him, and all that the silly bugger does is to smile and thank me in such a loud voice. 
 
Is he nuts? 
"Nope," replies the bartender. 
 
"He owns this place." 



-----------------------------------------------------------------------



The Cardiologist and the Motorcycle Mechanic
 
A motorcycle mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a BMW M3 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?" 
The cardiologist, a bit surprised walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. 
I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in and, when I finished, it worked just like new. 
So how is that I make $24,000 a year and you make $1.7M when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The cardiologist paused, leaned over and, with a small grin, whispered to the mechanic ...

          "Try doing it with the engine running."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, its that time of the year where we need to inform our beloved government how much we earn so that they can continue to "invest" in useless military hardware, condos, corridors, children's education [but gave the impression it is from their own pocket] and what have you.

I submitted my Returns but they sent it back to me AGAIN because of my response to the question: "List all dependents"

I replied:
1.  6 million illegal immigrants
2.  1 million stupid politically crack-head ministers (assholes who have been here 54 years ago and not having the slightest idea of their "fellow" countrymen's culture... like giving “Ang Pows” in white envelopes)
3.  2 million unemployable leeches on Barisan & UMNO payroll
4.  2 ½ million criminals in almost over 50 prisons - half are Indonesians
5.  More than 300 stooges paid to sleep in our parliament.” 

Aiyah, apparently this was not an acceptable answer.  

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NO Speak English 

A Russian woman married a Australian and they lived happily ever after in Melbourne The lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries


One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she left off her bra, walked to the shop, clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.


On the 3rd day, the lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
 

(Please scroll down.)
 

v
v
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 What were you thinking? 

Her husband speaks English....hellooo!

Now get back to work !
 

I worry about you Sometimes!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Would you want to vote for MCA?

This picture should be made into campaign leaflets in the coming GE13.


Is this what MCA represents?
  • Ill-mannered
  • Disrespectful
  • Uncouth
  • Bad motives
  • Arrogance
  • Loud mouth
  • Callous
  • Vacuous
  • Inconsiderate



Is this the kind of culture Malaysians would like to have their children follow?
Would this be a good role model for our children?
In Penang, children who are rude, parents would tell them in three words, 
"Bo Ka Si!"

Our Sunday Girl - ANNA



Previous features:
Mandy
Marie
Deborah
Cecilia 
Susan
Judy

Saturday, February 25, 2012

The transcripts from Lim Guan Eng


First of all, I would like to thank the organisers for this live televised debate. Televised debates mark a new chapter in Malaysian political democracy because it is an important element in the democratisation process. I hope that from today onwards, televised debates will be a common phenomenon in the Malaysian democratic system just like in Europe and the United States.
Thus, I believe what Malaysians really want to see is a debate between Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak and Opposition Leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim, to see who really deserves to be prime minister. Whoever isn’t brave enough to debate, don’t hope to think of becoming prime minister.
Chua Soi Lek suggested that DAP is being used by PAS. If we observe Umno amongst the Malays, Umno claims that PAS is being used by DAP. Therefore, I believe this self-contradictory statement is a dirty tactic employed by BN. I wish to stress here that Pakatan Rakyat component parties, be it PAS, PKR or DAP, we never use each other. We are only prepared to be “used” by the people! At the same time, we are also not anti-Malay or even anti-non-Malay; we are merely against a government that is riddled with corruption!
I feel that today’s theme, “Is A Two-Party System Becoming a Two-Race System?”, is quite strange. Because, there already exists a two-race system at the present moment, and we want to change it into a two-party system. This two-race system, which is BN’s long-held ideology since independence until now, has BN dividing the people into Malays and non-Malays, this is a “divide-and-rule” strategy. The Deputy Prime Minister Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin had said, “I am a Malay first, then only a Malaysian.” Is this 1 Malaysia or is this Bluff (Tipu) Malaysia? This is indeed a two-race system.
On the other hand, a two-party system is premised on ideology, ideals and principles, without racial discrimination because we are all Malaysians.
In BN, Umno only takes care of the Malays, MCA only takes care of the Chinese, MIC only takes care of the Indians, Gerakan… I don’t know takes care of who???…. That’s BN with their “you take care of your race, I take care of my race”. That is a two-race system! Conversely, in a two-party system, we are all brothers and sisters, we take care of each other; every Malaysian is part of one big family!
Umno always proclaims “Malay Supremacy”. Does the MCA not see this, hear this or feel this, and thus are not brave enough to stand up to them? Hence, we still hear that the Chinese are immigrants (pendatang) and do not deserve equal rights.
PR is different from BN. We don’t want “Malay Supremacy”, what we want is “Rakyat (People) Supremacy”! Anwar not only speaks about “Rakyat Supremacy” in front of non-Malays, but he also says the same thing to the Malays. Will Umno leaders dare to stop proclaiming “Malay Supremacy” and instead support “Rakyat Supremacy”.
When the people or PR leaders expose abuse of power or corruption and question the police or the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission, we are accused of challenging the Malay institutions — this is a two-race system, because corruption does not discriminate against the colour of one’s skin. The late Ahmad Sarbaini, the Customs officer who lost his life, is he not a human being?
Pakatan Rakyat wants to abolish corruption, BN wants corruption. PR wants to ensure leaders who are honest and a government that is clean, including public declaration of assets of government leaders, open tenders, now this is a two-party system! Most importantly, the real corrupt officers must be caught, and not slandering the poor innocent Teoh Beng Hock.
My opponent always says: “Other races become government, Chinese become opposition”. This is totally wrong. In truth, “BN MCA becomes opposition, PR DAP becomes government” is what worries MCA. Not only does the Chinese support PR to bring change, the Malays do so as well, if not PR would not have been able to gain 40 per cent Malay support and the political tsunami would not have happened. Without the political tsunami I believe I would not have the opportunity to stand here as the chief minister of Penang and Chua would not have the chance to become the president of the MCA.
In a democratic system, a two-party system requires alternating governments. Let the BN fall and become the opposition, let PR rise to become the government. If PR does not rule well, then the people have the right to change again after five years. This is a two-party system, with alternating parties ruling, only then will the people have a better life.
Question from the moderator:
The Chinese community have welcomed a two-party system since 1980. If we refer to the 2008 results, the amount of votes given to BN and PR are about the same. This shows that half the people are happy with BN while the other half harbour hopes for PR. Does this mean that both parties have achieved a two-party system? How would your party seek to win the other half?
Answer from LGE:
If PR is given the chance to rule, our policy will bring benefits to the people. Today, inflation is rising, our income is not enough to make ends meet. We want to reduce the people’s burden. If we become government, we will abolish the North-South Expressway and the Penang Bridge tolls. We will also increase oil royalties from five per cent to 20 per cent for Sabah and Sarawak.
I know, since Penang gave RM100 to senior citizens every year, BN has copied. Not only BN has copied, MCA too has copied. So, besides thanking Chua, they (MCA members) should also thank the Penang state government. If we take power at the federal level, we wish to inform all 2.1 million senior citizens in the country that we promise to give RM1,000 every year. These are the benefits of alternating governments. They are judged on their policies. We want to become a policy state not a police state.
Answers for the Q&A session:
LGE: Was that Perak exco Ma Han Soon? I think we all know that when PR was the government in Perak, it was PR which started the initiative to grant land to schools and permanent land titles to new village residents and the poor. However, since BN became government, this has been abolished. Because of that, I feel that you have no right to question anyone.
On the question of the Penang state government making empty promises, I wish to stress that we have fulfilled all our election promises. On why the Sungai Nyior toll has not been abolished, we must remember that this is under the power of the federal government. We have not taken over the federal government, so be patient…. When we have taken over the federal government, of course we will abolish it, as well as the North-South Expressway and the Penang Bridge tolls. However, even though we have not abolished the Sungai Nyior toll, we have built a road to bypass the toll plaza, so it is the same, no need to pay toll.
The success of Penang, I believe, has been proven. After March 2008, everyone can see, touch and feel the changes that have happened. In Peninsular Malaysia, the first dual lingual road signs in Chinese were erected in Penang. The first Tamil road signs in Malaysia are also in Penang. For the first time in Penang, we also have road signs in Arabic, all due to the success of the PR government. Penang’s success in combating corruption is also notable, resulting in praise from Transparency International. If there are people who are guilty, we will not let them get off scot-free, and the fact the Penang has zero corruption has been recognised by an international organisation. When we say we don’t take money, we don’t take money. Thank you.
Questions to each other:
CSL: We hear populist policies, giving RM100, abolish this, abolish that… Can you, on this stage, tell us what is the community development and economic model of Pakatan Rakyat so that Malaysia can escape the low-income trap and achieve high-income status, including implementing the promises in the Buku Jingga?
LGE: I believe this is the difference between myself and Chua. He is not anxiously concerned about corruption, while I am very anxiously concerned about corruption. We need to have a framework for administrating the country’s affairs. What is the plan to bring economic development? I wish to use the Penang model as an example.
This is the result of the Penang Pakatan Rakyat state government’s practice of “money makes money”. This system stresses four key aspects. First, “money raise money” through co-operation between the private and public sectors (Public Private Partnerships) in executing development projects. Secondly is “money earns money” through an open tender system, the state government can cut costs. Third is “money creates money” through innovation and creativity. Finally, “money saves money”. If we don’t take money, for sure there will always be money to be saved.
Therefore, the Penang state government has enjoyed a budget surplus every year for four years, and is able to give back to the people through our Senior Citizens Programme with RM 100 every year, and RM1,000 one-off to beneficiaries of senior citizens who pass away. Even newborn babies get RM200 under our Golden Child Programme. When Barisan Nasional was ruling Penang, not a single sen was given, but with the principle of “money makes money”, we have given benefits to the people of Penang, and this is actually an anti-corruption dividend!
In addition to that, in Malaysia, I believe that if we abolish corruption, we will be able to save a lot of money and give back to the people. This is our promise, Penang is the best proof! If we dare to fight corruption, we will definitely have money. Thank you.
Answers to the Q&A and Conclusion, LGE:
First of all, I would like to rebut certain accusations that the Penang state government has not given land to Chinese schools. I feel this is not only lying to yourself but also lying to others. This is because we have proof, even the schools can verify that the Pakatan Rakyat government has given land. Don’t forget, the Pakatan Rakyat state government has now institutionalised allocations to all school streams, not just Chinese schools, also Tamil schools, Sekolah Agama Rakyat or religious schools and private Chinese schools. Before, there was nothing, and now they receive yearly allocations.
Here, I would like to make a plea to all Malaysians. Be brave enough to change, we must not surrender our destiny to fate. We deserve equal opportunities. No longer must we kneel down and beg. We must boldly rise up with dignity to seek change! We do not want to be lied to anymore, change now! Look, the MCA president too has changed, for the first time he is debating with the Rocket. But this debate is not as important as whether MCA dares to say “No” to Umno?
Why say “No” to Umno? Because Umno uses racial and religious sentiments, including supporting Perkasa to inflame and divide the people! Secondly, Umno abuses laws that impinge upon human rights. Umno condones corruption, Shahrizat’s case with the cows is only the tip of the iceberg. Even more serious, in the last 10 years, RM1 trillion of illicit funds (corruption money) has been illegally taken out of the country. How do we account for this? This is why we want a two-party system.
As what the former MCA president Ong Tee Keat described MCA’s co-operation with Umno. He said, “Before at least MCA could eat the leftovers dishes on the table, but now the best they can hope for are the breadcrumbs.”
Many Malays have not enjoyed the fruits of development of this country. They don’t get RM250 million to raise cows, because most of the “good fruits” have been eaten by BN cronies, leaving to the people only the “dead” fruits.
The problems faced by the Chinese community, I believe, everyone knows there are many problems. Besides the problem of the private school certificates (UEC) not being recognised, Chinese schools do not get enough allocation funds, teachers who are not proficient in Chinese are sent to Chinese schools, there are also problems with temporary teachers that have not been resolved. But issues of unequal access to the economy and jobs, I believe are not only faced by the Chinese, but also by other races. That is why we have to take this chance to work together with the other races to bring about change.
What we stress now is about the future of our children. The future of my generation has already been robbed by BN for 50 years, don’t let our children’s future be robbed as well. Therefore, we are awaiting the chance to change.
This morning before I came, I told my daughter that if given the chance, I would like to be the voice of her generation. I hope to provide policies that will enable you to live here and not to migrate. We must give importance to talent. Remember, only by appreciating, emphasising and choosing talent can the future of Malaysia be bright and prosperous.
Look at South Korea, in 1970, their average per capita income was only US$260 in 1970 Malaysia was better, we had US$380 then. However, South Korea has now surpassed Malaysia. Now, our average income is US$7,760 while South Korea has reached US$20,000! Why has South Korea become a high-income nation while Malaysia has failed? The main factor is that South Korea is a democratic country, practices a two-party system, has an alternating change of government. Therefore, if we want to change, if we want Malaysia to become a high-income nation, we must be brave to rise up for change, we must be brave to realise a two-party system. This path is not easy, but I wish to remind everyone, our co-operation with PAS, PKR is based on a written manifesto. It has been announced in public, PAS has their ideology, DAP has our ideology, but don’t forget, PAS has never caused the death of a single Chinese. Let us be strong, will ourselves to change. Even though the path may be difficult, but for the sake of our younger generation, we must complete this journey of change!