Saturday, November 19, 2011
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage.
EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
Ever wonder why Hawaii (a state on its own) have inter-state highways?
Ever wonder why "phonetics" is not spelt the way it is pronounced?
Jakim: Yes, if not we cannot confirm that their meat is halal.
Hotel: Okay, never mind, we will stop selling imported meat and just serve local meat. Would that be okay?
Jakim: Yes, that is okay as long as you can show the halal certificate from the supplier.
Hotel: Okay, we also sell beer. Does the certificate cover this as well?
Jakim: No, beer is haram. We cannot issue a halal certificate for that.
Hotel: But we can sell beer?
Hotel: But we can’t sell meat unless we can prove it is halal?
Hotel: Can we accept credit cards?
Hotel: But credit cards involve interest. Is that not haram?
Jakim: Interest is haram.
Hotel: So the meat must be halal but you can pay by credit card even though interest is haram?
Jakim: That is correct.
Hotel: And we can employ Malay staff who are Muslims?
Jakim: Yes, you can. In fact, if you have no Malay staff you cannot get a hotel licence under the rules of the New Economic Policy.
Hotel: But our hotel has a bar, disco, karaoke lounge, massage centre and everything that is haram to Muslims. We can, or must, employ Muslims?
Hotel: But their salaries would come from haram sources.
Jakim: No problem. Even government staff get paid from revenue from banks, finance companies, money-lending, liquor, bars, night clubs, massage parlours, gambling, lotteries, casinos, cigarettes, and so on.
Hotel: That is allowed?
Jakim: Yes, allowed.
Hotel: But aren't all those businesses haram?
Jakim: Yes, they are haram.
Hotel: So banks, finance companies, money-lending, liquor, bars, night clubs, massage parlours, gambling, lotteries, casinos, cigarettes, and so on are allowed but meat that is not halal is not allowed?
Jakim: That is correct. The meat must be halal. And Jakim will not issue a halal certificate unless you can prove it is halal. So you must sponsor ten officers to go overseas for two weeks to visit the factory first before we can issue the halal certificate.
Hotel: Two weeks? Why so long?
Jakim: We need one whole day to visit the factory and the other 13 days for rest after the long journey.
Hotel: I think never mind. We will stop selling imported meat, just sell local meat, and we will continue to sell beer and run our bar, disco, karaoke lounge and massage centre where most of our revenue comes from anyway.
Jakim: No problem. Then you can get a Jakim halal certificate.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
After serving for 54 years, Istana Negara at Jalan Istana in Kuala Lumpur, which is the official residence of the Yang di-Pertuan Agong, today ended its function officially with pomp and pageantry. The ceremony beginning at 9am, witnessed the marching in of the First Battalion of the Royal Malay Regiment (RAMD) comprising two officers and 58 men of various ranks accompanied by the RAMD central band. The ceremony continued with a team of flag bearers comprising 10 members of the RAMD who lowered the Yang di-Pertuan Agong’s private flag as the last post was being played to signify the shifting of Istana Negara at Jalan Istana to the Istana Negara in Jalan Duta. Later, the ceremony continued with the procession of the flag bearers with the ceremonial horse squadron to the palace main entrance to present the flag to Istana Negara grand chamberlain Tengku Farok Husin Tengku Abdul Jalil who represented Istana Negara in signifying the palace’s completion of duty. The flag was presented by Acting RAMD First Battalion officer-in-command Major Mohd Kadri Abu Bakar. As a symbolic closure of the monumental building with its golden dome, the Grand Chamberlain later directed Istana Negara officer Rosli Asri to lock the main entrance of the palace, signifying all duties at Istana Negara had completed before moving to the Istana Negara at Jalan Duta for another flag raising ceremony. The teams in attendance comprised RAMD First Battalion and the Ceremonial Horse Squadron with three officers and 69 men of various ranks with 12 horses. Among those present to witness the flag lowering ceremony were senior deputy secretary-general of the Prime Minister’s Department, Othman Mahmood; Armed Forces (ATM) chief of staff Lt-Gen Raja Afandi Raja Mohd Nor and ATM’s deputy chief of staff Maj-Gen Abdul Aziz Ibrahim. Meanwhile, at the Istana Negara in Jalan Duta, a ceremony to raise the Yang di-Pertuan Agong’s private flag began at 10.25am when the grand chamberlain handed over the flag to a team of flag bearers to signify the commencement of duty of the Malaysian Armed Forces at the Jalan Duta Istana Negara square. Automated flag raiser The new palace, in tune with technology today, uses an automated flag raiser unlike the manual approach at the old palace. Istana Negara began shifting its operations to the new complex in Jalan Duta in stages since Oct 19 while the assignment of guards from ATM began today. The 11.34 hectare old palace which was the official residence of the Yang di-Pertuan Agong was originally a double storey bungalow built in 1928 by a local Chinese millionaire, Chan Wing. The bungalow was bought by the Selangor state government and renovated to become the residence of the Sultan of Selangor, Sultan Sir Hishamuddin Alam Shah. The building, which was made a palace of the Sultan of Selangor, was later acquired by the federal government as the official residence of the first Yang Di-Pertuan Agong, Tuanku Abdul Rahman Tuanku Muhammad, a few weeks before the declaration of independence. Meanwhile, the new Istana Negara built with Islamic and traditional Malay features is located on a 96.52 hectare site compared to 11.34 hectare at the old palace. It will witness the installation of the 14th Yang di-Pertuan Agong, Sultan Abdul Halim Muadzam Shah of Kedah, in December. - Bernama
The palace was originally a double-storey mansion built in 1928 by a local Chinese millionaire, Chan Wing. During the Japanese occupationfrom 1942–1945, it was used as the residence of the Japanese Governor. After the surrender of the Japanese on 15 August 1945, the British Military Administration (BMA) commandeered it for a senior military officers mess from the rank of brigadier. With the formation of the Federation of Malaya in 1950, the Selangor State Government rented the residence from the owners for Straits Dollars 5,000 a month until Merdeka or Indepencence in 1957. It was renovated to become the palace of His Majesty the Sultan of Selangor. In 1957, the owners sold the property of 13 acres to the Federal Government at an agreed valuation of Straits Dollars 1.4 Million.
The Federal Government then converted the residence into the Istana Negara for the newly created sovereign post of Yang di-Pertuan Agong of Malaya which was about to achieveindependence that August as scheduled. Since then it has undergone several renovations and extensions. But the most extensive upgrading was carried out in 1980, as it was the first time that the Installation Ceremony of His Majesty DYMM Seri Paduka Baginda Yang di-Pertuan Agong was held at the Istana Negara. Prior to this the Installation Ceremonies were held at the Tunku Abdul Rahman Hall in Jalan Ampang, Kuala Lumpur with the first one held in 1957.
Monday, November 14, 2011
ICE - 'In Case of Emergency'
We all carry our mobile phones with names & numbers stored in its memory but nobody, other than ourselves, knows which of these numbers belong to our closest family or friends.
If we were to be involved in an accident or were taken ill, the people attending us would have our mobile phone but wouldn't know who to call.. Yes, there are hundreds of numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an emergency? Hence this 'ICE' (In Case of Emergency) Campaign.
The concept of 'ICE' is catching on quickly. It is a method of contact during emergency situations. As cell (mobile) phones are carried by the majority of the population, all you need to do is store the number of a contact person or persons who should be contacted during emergency under the name 'ICE' (In Case Of Emergency).
The idea was thought up by a paramedic who found that when he went to the scenes of accidents, there were always mobile phones with patients, but they didn't know which number to call. He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognized name for this purpose. In an emergency situation, Emergency Service personnel and hospital Staff would be able to quickly contact the right person by simply dialing the number you have stored as 'ICE.'
For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1, ICE2 and ICE3 etc. A great idea that will make a difference!
Let's spread the concept of ICE by storing an ICE number in our Mobile phones today! It really could save your life, or put a loved one's mind at rest.
In the picture below, we will analyze the perception by different group of people.
- For young men, it's a nice ass. Only the most observant will define this as an ass crossing the street. The really observant will see the thong.
- For older men, it is a respectable woman with a nice ass crossing the street.
- The perverts will imagine her as a naked woman.
- The wise men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer in the face of such beauty and gratitude that it was shared with humanity.
- For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.
- The other half is wondering where she bought that blouse.
- The wise women imagine the misery that this will be at 50.
- Children, the curious, and monks will probably notice a dog driving the taxi..
Don't be alarmed, I didn't see the dog either.
Let me tell you about my doctor
He's very good!
If you tell him you want a second opinion
He'll go out and come in again
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years
Before he realised she was Chinese
Another time, he gave a patient six months to live
At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill
So, the doctor gave him another six months!
While he was talking to me, he nurse came in and said,
"Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible."
The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,
"Doctor, Doctor, my son just swallowed a roll of film!"
The doctor calmly told him, "Let's wait and see what develops."
One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem."
The doctor asked, "When did it start?"
The man replied, "When did what start?"
I remember one time I told my doctor that I had a ringing in my ears.
His advice, "Don't answer it."
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases
One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell."
The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these.
If they don't work, give me a ring."
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards
The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places
He told me to stop going to those places.
You know, doctors can be so frustrating.
You wait a month and a half for an appointment
Then he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner."