Friday, May 7, 2010

OK-lah, we must give credit where credit is due

Well, the Polis Di-Raja Malaysia certainly have been having a bad rap from the public this last one week over the shooting of 14-year old Aminulsayid Amzah. Now there was an incident the previous day which took place in a cyber-cafe in Jalan Genting. A 17-old (read teenager) with six of his friends charged into the outlet at about 3.00 am (read morning) and held up 12 patrons little did they realise that two plainsclothes policemen were in the washroom. This was reported in The Sun paper of May 6. The robbers were armed with parang, samurai swords, saws and an axe.

On hearing the commotion, the two policemen came out from the loo and this is what they did:

1. They identified themselves.
2. They ordered the robbers to surrender.
3. One of the robbers lunged at them with a saw. It was only then that one of the detectives drew his pistol from his holster and opened fire.
4. Instead of shoot to kill, he wounded the robber in both legs. On seeing this, the robber's accomplices fled the scene.

Any good reason why such SOP was not applied in Aminulrasyid's case??? To the two detectives, A JOB WELL DONE!!!!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Just fancy that ...

Even Selangor police chief Khalid Abu Bakar is not immune to crime, who found today that his official car was stolen.

NONEAccording to the Star, the top cop who is currently overseas has confirmed that his car was missing.

Khalid's driver had driven the car to a restaurant in Section 9, Shah Alam, this morning to have his breakfast.

The Perdana V6, which was parked near the restaurant, was found missing half-an-hour later at about 8.30am.

The driver had since lodged a police report. Khalid said that his driver was questioned by the police over the matter.

'Greatest disgrace'

In an immediate reaction, Selangor assembly speaker and DAP Sungai Pinang state representative Teng Chang Khim has described the theft as “the greatest disgrace of the year”.

“When the CPO's (chief police officer) official car can be stolen, whose cars are safe in Selangor?” he asked in his tweet.

“After the theft of the CPO's official car, can the CPO now confidently say that crimes in Selangor are under control?”

Quip for the day

Due to a power cut, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a three-year old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. "The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed three-year-old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. "The girl quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place... smack his ass again.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

More on the Aminulrasyid shooting - Art Harun

I would have written about this earlier had I not been away.

I read with total disbelief about the totally unprovoked, unnecessary and unprofessional killing of a 14-year-old boy by the police in the early hours of the April 26, 2010.

The police as usual, with its standard apathetic “statement” to the media, said:

“Seorang yang disyaki penyamun ditembak polis awal pagi di Seksyen 11 Shah Alam… sebilah parang dijumpai di dalam kereta disyaki digunakan sebagai senjata untuk menyamun… suspek kedua berjaya melepaskan diri..”

(A person who was a suspected robber was shot by the police early this morning at section 11 Shah Alam .... a machete was found in the car which was suspected as the weapon used in robbery .... a second suspect successfully ran away ...” ) — translated by me.

YB Khalid Samad has a clear account of the incident on his blog.

I am aghast at the statement issued by the police. It is insensitive, irresponsible and in fact laced with so much bad intention.

On what ground and evidence did the police conclude that the 14-year-old victim was a “suspected robber”?

Read the account at YB Khalid Samad’s blog. Read also the police report lodged by the “second suspect” who had apparently successfully ran away.

The police were clearly chasing the car driven by the victim for some traffic offences. That was all. Was there a necessity to shoot the driver? Can’t 2 patrol cars overtake a Proton Iswara and stop them? What kind of drivers were the police, so much so that they have to resort to shooting the driver to stop a Proton Iswara driven by a 14-year-old?

And to repeat my first question, what made the police to conclude that the 14-year-old boy was a suspected robber and his passenger friend a “second suspect”?

The “parang” story was obviously an attempt at justifying the killing. So, if someone carried a parang, he could justifiably be shot to death is it? Even on that assumption, how did the police see the parang in the boot before shooting the 14-year-old boy?

As could be seen from the “second suspect’s” police report, he had wanted to surrender. But he was kicked and stepped on by the policemen. He then ran away.

This kicking culture among the police is well known. That was what happened to Norizan Salleh, the woman who was shot not once, twice or thrice, but a good FIVE times by the police but fortunately lives on to tell the tale. She was also stepped on and kicked after being shot five times.

In the incident here, was there a necessity to kick the boy? Can’t the police see that he was just a terrified boy? The boy was coming out from the driver’s side which means he had to move the body of his 14-year-old friend who was then dead. Wasn’t it a priority to check what had happened to the victim who was then lying dead rather than to kick the other boy?

And when he ran away, was he chased? Was there any attempt to arrest the “second suspect”? Or are the police trying to imply that 3-4 adult policemen could not chase and apprehend the “second suspect”, who also happened to be a boy?

They drove a patrol car and could not overtake an Iswara. Then they also could not chase and apprehend a boy?

Why didn’t they just shoot the “second suspect” then? After all he, like the victim, was a suspected robber, no? Why the double standard? Just shoot him, like what they did to the victim. After all, there was a “parang” in the car. And the “parang” was suspected to have been used in robberies.

The response from the police later left me numbed. The 4 officers had now been assigned to desk duties.

Why were they not suspended? The case has been classified as a murder case, according to the police themselves. And that was done to show how serious the police are about the case.

So, now, we have 4 police officers, who are being investigated in a murder case, who are still carrying weapons and a police identity card. What if they use their position as such to intimidate the “second suspect”, who is just a boy? How?

Sometimes I wonder where some of us have retired their brains to. Junksville?

The response from the Home Minister is almost standard. We are sorry. We will investigate this fully and transparently. We will have a special task force to do this. And rest assured the task force will be independent and there will be no interference. Blah, blah, blah... (Kesha’s song is running in my head now!).

The thing is this. Let us all not forget that this has happened far too many times for our comfort. Kugan has died. After Kugan, there was another case of death in the cell. Norizan was shot. Now Aminulrasyid. Every now and then, we read or hear news about the police opening fire and “killing 6 suspected robbers/gang members/whatever”.

I read somewhere yesterday that the Indonesian government is questioning the killing of three of their citizens recently.

We can have this and that task farce, eh, sorry, task force. We can have a 40,000 word report about this and that incidents. Nothing is going to change the police and their propensity for pulling the trigger.

The rules and regulations pertaining to the discharge of fire arms by the police must be tighten and made public.

And there must be tangible effort to restore public confidence in our police force.

The establishment of the Independent Police Complaints and Misconduct Commission (IPCMC), as recommended by a Royal Commission, would be a good starting point.

I wonder why the Home Minister and the government so reluctant in establishing the IPCMC. After all, it wasn’t some Tom, Dick or Kamal who had suggested its establishment. It was recommended by a Royal Commission established by the government itself!

I hope Aminurasyid did not die in vain.

Al-Fatihah to him. And my deepest condolence to his parents, family members and friends. —

PDRM, wither art thou

I came across this write up by blogger KayTee and thought it apt to reproduce it here for the interests of my readers especially when our mata-mata is in the spotlight again fro the wrong reasons.

There was a time when the Royal Malayan/Malaysian Police was trusted, respected and relied upon by Malayans/Malaysians.

They walked around armed only with truncheons. Malayans of my uncles’ vintage laughed at the police of neighbouring countries like the Philippines, Indonesia and Thailand because those law enforcers wore pistols - they were sneered at as 'cowboys', not like our officers. In Malaya then, only those who were directly operating against the Malayan Communist Party (MCP) had cause to carry armed weapons.

Even the Special Branch was regarded with pride as the unit that would always obtain the required intelligence, whether in domestic or overseas operations.

Two SB police inspectors in the late 70’s infiltrated the MCP, living with the insurgents for years. With the intelligence they provided and the internal dissent and split up they were reputed to have fomented in the MCP, it could be said they were responsible for the eventual breakup of the MCP and its debilitation. Such was the standard of police officers. The two were Paul Kiong and Sia Boon Chee, who were both awarded Malaysia’s highest award for valour, the Seri Pahlawan Gagah Perkasa, by the Agong.

Today the Police is not even a pale imitation of its former glorious self. It is sub-zero in the eyes of the average Malaysians.

Armed to the teeth, they terrorise candlelight vigils instead of communists, while crime rates soared through the ceiling. Their SB focused on innocent Malaysians or Pakatan politicians and supporters while Israeli spies and illegal migrants slipped through our borders to live among us, committing political espionage, political voting and non-political crimes.

They are quick to arrest opposition politicians and human rights activists like Irene Fernandez, just because she published a report on the living conditions of the migrant workers entitled
"Abuse, Torture and Dehumanised Conditions of Migrant Workers in Detention Centres" while criminals and Mat Rempits roam the streets.

They have become more fond of photographing naked women in police lockups than the Israeli spies and criminals in our midst, both nasties alleged to have very intimate association with top police officers.

And what have the police done to solve the murders of Nurin Jazlin Jazimin and Preeshena Varshiny?

Now they have shot dead a 14 year old kid, Aminulrasyid Amzah for speeding away in his sister’s car.

And just what did the IGP threaten to do when shocked Malaysians call for a Royal Commission of Inquiry into such an abhorrent consequence of police shooting?

Precisely what his predecessory had threatened when AAB wanted to establish the IPCMC, and who was allowed to get away with his insubordination and public mutiny of threats to AAB's government, and bizarrely was even given a hero's farewell when he retired, with a Tan Sri title. A f* amazing example of what a defiant and mutinous IGP could achieve against the effeminate ineffectiveness of our police ministers.

Please tell me, how have such a once glorious force, trusted and respected by Malayans/Malaysians become a distrusted, despised and dreaded body, reviled by the average citizen? Indeed, how are the once mighty fallen!

Are all police trigger happy these days?

The following video depict the shooting of Oscar Grant III in Oakland, California last year. Questions raised by family members and lawyers for the victim are the same questions asked in the Aminulrasyid's shotting by our police.

Police even laughed when they shot at protesters. Ring a bell?

Monday, May 3, 2010

The UEC dilemma for Malaysia

From time to time, the issues of independent Chinese school education and Unified Examination Certificate (UEC) will trigger heated debates. It proves that there are still great differences between the Chinese community and the BN government on the issue.

After some troubles, UEC holders are finally allowed to apply for the National Higher Education Fund Corporation (PTPTN) loans. Some are gratified, some are taunting while some are trying to claim the credit. But some are still observing and waiting for the full recognition for the UEC.

The independent Chinese school education system and UEC is a problem left over by history. It must be resolved one day, the sooner the better. But the ball is now in the government's court and thus, the Chinese community needs not to be in haste. The world will, after all, keep moving forward without the recognition and independent Chinese schools will also keep running.

I have no independent Chinese school background but I sent all the three of my children to study in an independent Chinese school. To be honest, I simply do not care about whether the government will recognise the UEC as I am confident that as long as my children are able to pass the Unified Examination, it will not going to be a problem for their future.

There are two real-life examples.

An old classmate called me last year to share his joy.

His son, who went to the United Kingdom to study medicine after graduated from Foon Yew High School, was immediately recruited by Singapore's University Hospital, mainly because his son possessed a Chinese school background.

"More and more, I'm sure that it was a right decision to send my son to study in Foon Yew High School. Independent Chinese school education is definitely an advantage, instead of a burden," he said.

Daughter of Cheng Chean Chiang, a Chinese organisation chairman in Johor Bahru, also graduated from Foon Yew High School. She then went to the United States to study a financial related course. She graduated two years ago and she was able to stand out amid thousands of applicants and recruited by a financial company in the United States amidst the second mortgage crisis, when the financial industry was suffering lay-offs and pay cuts. Cheng told us the reason: "The company was looking for a talent who can communicate with Chinese people. My daughter's 12-year Chinese education background was her biggest advantage."

Times change and there are great changes over the past half century. The rise of China has brought Chinese language out of the doldrums and it is now moving towards the world. It used to be a dream for many people 30 years ago.

For decades, we have tired of the intervention of politics in education. How would the government thought that Chinese education, which had been suppressed in the past, has today become an advantage and assets of Malaysia?

It is now the time to recognise the UEC. Never wait until the whole world has recognised it and Malaysia is the only one left!

[Source: MySinChew]

Are we in the wild, wild west?

Judging by the statement made by Azamuddin Omar, one can't help but think that we are living in the wild wild west.

Extract of Azamuddin's statement as released by Malaysiakini.

"When he (Aminulrasyid Amzah) was shot, his body fell on my lap, but his foot was still on the accelerator. So the car continued moving and the police kept on firing shots,"

Recounting the incident, Azamuddin Omar, 15, said the Proton Iswara eventually crashed into a wall, after which the police continued shooting.

Azamuddin, who sustained injuries on his arm and back, said more than five police officers assaulted him after he got out of the car to surrender.

Goodness, isn't this is like - shoot first, ask questions later. Now, I am worried for my kids.

What more do the Chinese want? My answer: Just leave us alone

Before you read the article below, please read this article "Orang Cina Malaysia, apa lagi yang anda mahu?"

Now read the response by Kee Thuan Chye :

Every time the Barisan Nasional gets less than the expected support from Chinese voters at an election, the question invariably pops up among the petty-minded: Why are the Chinese ungrateful?

So now, after the Hulu Selangor by-election, it’s not surprising to read in Utusan Malaysia a piece that asks: “Orang Cina Malaysia, apa lagi yang anda mahu?” (Chinese of Malaysia, what more do you want?)

Normally, something intentionally provocative and propagandistic as this doesn’t deserve to be honoured with a reply. But even though I’m fed up of such disruptive and ethnocentric polemics, this time I feel obliged to reply – partly because the article has also been published, in an English translation, in the Straits Times of Singapore.

I wish to emphasise here that I am replying not as a Chinese Malaysian but, simply, as a Malaysian.

Let me say at the outset that the Chinese have got nothing more than what any citizen should get. So to ask “what more” it is they want, is misguided. A correct question would be “What do the Chinese want?”

All our lives, we Chinese have held to the belief that no one owes us a living. We have to work for it. Most of us have got where we are by the sweat of our brow, not by handouts or the policies of the government.

We have come to expect nothing – not awards, not accolades, not gifts from official sources. (Let’s not lump in Datukships, that’s a different ball game.) We know that no Chinese who writes in the Chinese language will ever be bestowed the title of Sasterawan Negara, unlike in Singapore where the literatures of all the main language streams are recognised and honoured with the Cultural Medallion, etc.

We have learned we can’t expect the government to grant us scholarships. Some will get those, but countless others won’t. We’ve learned to live with that and to work extra hard in order to support our children to attain higher education – because education is very important to us. We experience a lot of daily pressure to achieve that. Unfortunately, not many non-Chinese realise or understand that. In fact, many Chinese had no choice but to emigrate for the sake of their children’s further education. Or to accept scholarships from abroad, many from Singapore, which has inevitably led to a brain drain.

The writer of the Utusan article says the Chinese “account for most of the students” enrolled in “the best private colleges in Malaysia”. Even so, the Chinese still have to pay a lot of money to have their children study in these colleges. And to earn that money, the parents have to work very hard. The money does not fall from the sky.

The writer goes on to add: “The Malays can gain admission into only government-owned colleges of ordinary reputation.” That is utter nonsense. Some of these colleges are meant for the cream of the Malay crop of students and are endowed with the best facilities. They are given elite treatment.

The writer also fails to acknowledge that the Chinese are barred from being admitted to some of these colleges. As a result, the Chinese are forced to pay more money to go to private colleges. Furthermore, the Malays are also welcome to enrol in the private colleges, and many of them do. It’s, after all, a free enterprise.

Plain and simple reason

The writer claims that the Chinese live “in the lap of luxury” and lead lives that are “more than ordinary” whereas the Malays in Singapore, their minority-race counterparts there, lead “ordinary lives”. Such sweeping statements sound inane especially when they are not backed up by definitions of “lap of luxury” and “ordinary lives”. They sound hysterical, if not hilarious as well, when they are not backed up by evidence. It’s surprising that a national daily like Utusan Malaysia would publish something as idiosyncratic as that. And the Straits Times too.

Najib during CNY celebrations

All smiles from PM Najib

The writer quotes from a survey that said eight of the 10 richest people in Malaysia are Chinese. Well, if these people are where they are, it must have also come from hard work and prudent business sense. Is that something to be faulted?

If the writer had said that some of them achieved greater wealth through being given crony privileges and lucrative contracts by the government, there might be a point, but even then, it would still take hard work and business acumen to secure success. Certainly, Syed Mokhtar Al-Bukhary, who is one of the 10, would take exception if it were said that he has not worked hard and lacks business savvy.

Most important, it should be noted that the eight Chinese tycoons mentioned in the survey represent but a minuscule percentage of the wider Chinese Malaysian population. To extrapolate that because eight Chinese are filthy rich, the rest of the Chinese must therefore live in the lap of luxury and lead more than ordinary lives would be a mockery of the truth. The writer has obviously not met the vast numbers of very poor Chinese.

The crux of the writer’s article is that the Chinese are not grateful to the government by not voting for Barisan Nasional at the Hulu Selangor by-election. But this demonstrates the thinking of either a simple mind or a closed one.

Why did the Chinese by and large not vote for BN? Because it’s corrupt. Plain and simple. Let’s call a spade a spade. And BN showed how corrupt it was during the campaign by throwing bribes to the electorate, including promising RM3 million to the Chinese school in Rasa.

The Chinese were not alone in seeing this corruption. The figures are unofficial but one could assume that at least 40 per cent of Malays and 45 per cent of Indians who voted against BN in that by-election also had their eyes open.

So, what’s wrong with not supporting a government that is corrupt? If the government is corrupt, do we continue to support it?

To answer the question then, what do the Chinese want? They want a government that is not corrupt; that can govern well and proves to have done so; that tells the truth rather than lies; that follows the rule of law; that upholds rather than abuses the country’s sacred institutions. BN does not fit that description, so the Chinese don’t vote for it. This is not what only the Chinese want. It is something every sensible Malaysian, regardless of race, wants. Is that something that is too difficult to understand?

Some people think that the government is to be equated with the country, and therefore if someone does not support the government, they are being disloyal to the country. This is a complete fallacy. BN is not Malaysia. It is merely a political coalition that is the government of the day. Rejecting BN is not rejecting the country.

A sense of belonging

Let’s be clear about this important distinction. In America, the people sometimes vote for the Democrats and sometimes for the Republicans. Voting against the one that is in government at the time is not considered disloyalty to the country.

We are Malaysians too banner

Banner reads 'We are Malaysians too'

By the same token, voting against Umno is also voting against a party, not against a race. And if the Chinese or whoever criticise Umno, they are criticising the party; they are not criticising Malays. It just happens that Umno’s leaders are Malay.

It is time all Malaysians realised this so that we can once and for all dispel the confusion. Let us no more confuse country with government. We can love our country and at the same time hate the government. It is perfectly all right.

I should add here what the Chinese don’t want. We don’t want to be insulted, to be called pendatang, or told to be grateful for our citizenship. We have been loyal citizens; we duly and dutifully pay taxes; we respect the country’s constitution and its institutions. Our forefathers came to this country generations ago and helped it to prosper. We are continuing to contribute to the country's growth and development.

Would anyone like to be disparaged, made to feel unwelcome, unwanted? For the benefit of the writer of the Utusan article, what MCA president Chua Soi Lek means when he says the MCA needs to be more vocal is that it needs to speak up whenever the Chinese community is disparaged. For too long, the MCA has not spoken up strongly enough when Umno politicians and associates like Ahmad Ismail, Nasir Safar, Ahmad Noh and others before them insulted the Chinese and made them feel like they don’t belong. That’s why the Chinese have largely rejected the MCA.

You see, the Chinese, like all human beings, want self-respect. And a sense of belonging in this country they call home. That is all the Chinese want, and have always wanted. Nothing more.

[Source : FMT]

Monday Humour


'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river''
And the congregation cried, 'Amen! '
'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river'
And the congregation cried, 'Amen!'
'And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river'
Again the congregation cried, 'Amen!'
The Preacher sat down.
The deacon then stood up & said: 'For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing:
'We shall drink from that River.'

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000? The Chinese replies: 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there safely when I return.'

The Good Husband

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son.. what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and When she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time. PRICELESS


A man was brought before the judge and charged with Necrophilia (having sex with a dead woman).

The judge told him, 'In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the key!'

The man replied, 'I'll give you THREE good reasons:

1. It's none of your damn business.

2. She was my wife; and.....

3. I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!'


The Longest Password

During a recent password audit, it was found that a
blonde was using the following password:


When asked why she had such a long password, she said
she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters
long and include at least one capital.


It's the World Cup season again

Dear Wife/Sweetheart/Girlfriend/Partner/Whomever it may concern -

1. Between 11 June and 11 July 2010, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World of Soccer, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. if you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.

4. During the games, I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor .... it won't happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of thing to nibble on (excluding your body parts), and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12 am and 6 am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win the next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can to me during half time but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half time scores is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, O want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related to parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:

a) I will not go,

b) I will not go, and

c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will there is a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this ... why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this list."

12. And finally, please save your expression such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because before and after this comes the Champion League, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish League, KPL, FA Cup, Euro Cup, etc.

P/S By the way, if you get stuck on the road, call the Police or AA.

Thank you for your cooperation.


Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to
get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was
cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found
him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I
started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and
searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and
checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and
finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.


A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed
home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.Amen!'

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids, Set out their
school clothes, Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to
school, Came home and picked up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, Went grocery shopping, Then drove
home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 1P.M..
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum, Dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on
the way home.

Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad breaded
the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.

At 9 PM .
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to
bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through
without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and
immediately knelt by the bed and said: -

'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking..
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:

'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change
things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'