Monday, February 15, 2010

Monday Humour

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

You got MALE!



At the final dinner of an international conference, an American delegate turned to the Chinese delegate sitting next to him, pointed to the soup and asked somewhat condescendingly, 'Likee soupee?'

The Chinese gentlemen nodded eagerly.

A little later, it was 'Likee fishee?' and 'Likee meatee?' and 'Likee fruitee?' and always the response was an affable nod.

At the end of the dinner the chairman of the conference introduced the guest speaker of the evening: none other than the Chinese gentleman who delivered a penetrating, witty discourse in impeccable English, much to the astonishment of his American neighbour.

When the speech was over, the speaker turned to his neighbour and with a mischievous twinkle in his eye and asked, 'Likee speechee?'


Why Osama does not dare to mess around with China?

Bin Laden said: China is the world's only country we absolutely cannot mess with

The reason is this: al-Qaeda terrorists had made 8 attacks on the Chinese with
the following results:

One person was to explode a bomb in Beijing Xizhimen (the main northwest gate
of Beijing) but he lost his way in the three-dimensional traffic bridge

One person in Shanghai was to take a bus to explode a suicide bomb in the bus,
but it was so crowded he could not get into a bus for two hours

One person was to bomb a supermarket in Wuhan, but found that the bomb remote
control was stolen

One person wanted to bomb government buildings in Chengdu, but was stopped at
the door by the security staff and arrested as an East Turkistan separatist,
and was beaten and interrogated

One person succeeded in bombing a Hebei mine, with hundreds of people dead and
wounded, and then returned to the al-Qaeda center, but even after six months,
failed to see any news reports on the success of the bombing (due to news
blackout by the China government), was considered by the organization to claim
a false victory and was executed (this is the most pathetic!)

One person had tried to bomb Guangzhou, but as he came off the train, a
motorcycle robber (flying car robber) snatched his bag (containing the bomb)
from him

One person who arrived in Xi'an lost contact, and was later found at the
hospital in a coma. Doctors said it was the result of him eating not
only "black-hearted" food products, but he also drank fake alcohol, and would
possibly be in a vegetative state

Later, bin Laden tried to send a female terrorist to blow up Hainan Island, but
she was cheated into prostitution

Finally, bin Laden have to say: Remember! ! China is the world's only country
we absolutely cannot mess with!.


What Makes A Malaysian A Malaysian?

1. A typical young Malaysian can name all the players from a top English
Premier League club, but ask him to name one football player from Malaysia,
he cannot!

2.. When StreamyX come, you complain StreamyX too slow. When Maxis Broadband
come, you complain Maxis Broadband always disconnects. When WiMax come, you
complain Wimax too expensive. In the end, you say StreamyX still the best lah..

3. When highway toll price increase, you complain. When petrol price increase,
you complain. When you go Starbucks buy RM10 coffee, NO COMPLAINTS.

4. When you cannot find parking in a shopping mall and have to walk very far,
you complain. When you go inside the shopping mall and there's SALE, run from
one end of 1Utama to the other, that one? NO COMPLAINT.

5. You are always late. And the excuse you give when you're late is always
either: (a) traffic jam (b) no transport or (c) cannot find parking.

6. You have a parent who forces you to take science stream in high school,
study engineering in Uni, then when you graduate, they ask you to forget
everything you learnt in Uni and do commerce.

7. You know someone who can specially develop an angmoh accent when speaking to
an American/ British / Australian.

8. You complain against the government in kopitiam, you talk loud loud. Leave
anonymous comments on blogs, you also talk loud loud. Attend ceremah by DAP,
you shout loud loud. Then when Opposition organise a protest and ask you to
go, you dun wan. Scared later kena tangkap by ISA.

9. Every year on the 30th April, you are one of the people below queuing up
last minute to submit your tax return at the IRB.

10. When you pay RM10 for something that costs RM1, you blame the Chinese.
When a government service is too slow, you blame the Malays.
. When a building is not good and collapsed, you blame the Indians.

11. When a Chinese student won a scholarship, you say 'Wah! Very clever hor?'
When a Malay student won a scholarship, you say 'Aiya! Of course lah! He Malay

12. When an angmoh stranger kisses you on the cheek to say hello, you very
happy. When a Malaysian guy kisses you on the cheek to say hello, you slap him
in face.

No comments:

Post a Comment