Monday, March 22, 2010

Monday Humour

Working people often ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a traffic cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and said, 'Come on mate, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi turd'. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.

Then my wife got really angry and called him a 'sh**t-head' (not something she usually says.) He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.


It lasted over 20 odd years then most probably not correct yah!!

The 10 Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But then again,
so is thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word
you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of
marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man
listens. In the third year, they both speak and the
neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, thrifty, and a
good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry.
That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10.
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.


  1. Brilliant!!

    Livened up my Monday which began with a death in the family.

    We are all of 1 race, the Human Race

  2. Thanks, dpp, glad I could help. My condolence to you and your family.