Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, ‘Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon
suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, “Here, try this on.’’
She did and said, ‘These are too big. I can’t wear them.’
I replied, ‘Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’
Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.
‘Hmmm,’ said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, ‘Here, try this on...’
She tried them on and said, ‘These are too large. They don’t fit me.’
Mike said, ‘Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don’t want you to ever forget that.’
Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, ‘Here, you try on mine.’
Mike did and said, ‘I can’t get into your panties.’
Karen said, ‘Exactly. And if you don’t change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.’
It doesn't pay to be arrogant!
DEA officer stops at a ranch in South Texas, and talks with an old rancher mending a fence.
He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The old Rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there", as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government behind me."
He reaches into his back pants pocket, removes his badge and proudly flashes it at the old Rancher.
"Do you see this badge? It means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... on any one's land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The old rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores..
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life ... chased close behind by the rancher's 1,500 pound prize bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get "Horned" before he reaches safety.
The officer is clearly terrified. The Rancher drops his fence tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, your badge. Show him your damn BADGE!"
Smart Afghan Women
WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE (AND THEIR HUSBAND'S)
Barbara Walters, of Television's 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan
several years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.
From Ms. Walters' vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime,
the women walk even further back behind their husbands, and seem appear happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you continue with
an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, 'Land Mines.'
The moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak and where you go):
BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN.