Monday Humour

THE DOCTOR TOLD ME :

"YOU CAN HAVE JUST ONE CAN OF BEER A WEEK ! "

SO I ORDERED ONE !

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NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

*CEO* --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
*CFO* -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
*BULL MARKET* -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
*BEAR MARKET* -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.

*VALUE INVESTING* -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
*P/E RATIO* -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
*BROKER* -- What my broker has made me.
*STANDARD & POOR* -- Your life in a nutshell.
*STOCK ANALYST* -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
*STOCK SPLIT* -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
*FINANCIAL PLANNER* -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
*MARKET CORRECTION* -- The day after you buy stocks.
*CASH FLOW*-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
*YAHOO* -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

*WINDOWS* -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
*INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR* -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
*PROFIT* -- An archaic word no longer in use