Monday, March 26, 2012

Monday Humour


The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.


Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.
Mick asks - So what are you going to do this year?.
Paddy replies - I'm gunna take her with me!


Paddy goes to America for the 1st time, walking up 5th Avenue . He sees a building on fire and rushes over to see people stuck at the 4th floor
windows. He shouts up , - I'm Paddy John Dara O'Neill, an Irish rugby player, jump and I'll catch ya.- A girl jumps out and Paddy catches her, a guy jumps and Paddy gets him too. Then a black guy jumps and Paddy lets him hit the concrete, then shouts up. Come on now folks, there's no point throwing down the burnt ones!!


Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year".... Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."


Paddy & Mick find three hand grenades, so they take them to a police station. Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?" Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two."


Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?" Paddy says, "yes but it's for dry hair and I've just mine wet."


Our house was  broken into last night by two robbers who locked me in  the bathroom, and proceeded to steal all they could  carry. Our watchdog  ‘Killer’ did not alert us  at all, and for this reason we are giving him away.

We  no longer want this dog. We’ve decided on installing an  electric  fence and detection  devices with alarms. They're cheaper to maintain  and definitely more  reliable.

For those interested in adopting the dog  please send an e-mail  immediately. ‘Killer’ is  fun to hang out with, but  otherwise pretty  useless.

”A recent photo of ‘Killer’ is  included  below.”

‘Killer’ is a Norwegian  Beer Hound... you can tell he is 100%  pure bred. 


 Fantastic Definition of Management

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am..'
The man below replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.' 
'You must be an Engineer,' said the balloonist.
'I am,' replied the man, 'how did you know?'
'Well,' answered the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip by your talk.'
The man below responded, 'You must be in Management.'
'I am,' replied the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'
'Well,' said the man, 'you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my @%#** fault.'

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