Monday, April 16, 2012

Monday Humour

A CHIHUAHUA PLAYING WITH AN ENGLISH MASTIFF
This is simply adorable UNTIL ....


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THE PILOT AND THE BLONDE PASSENGER




This is the story of the blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead.
And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and
 get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.
'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position." 
She says, 
"I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."
"O.K." says the voice on the radio....
"Repeat after me: Our Father. . Who art in Heaven. . . …."
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INCOME TAX JOKE

Mr Patel who had been called to testify at the Income Tax Department asked his accountant, Mr Shah, for advice on what to wear on the occasion.

"Wear your shabbiest clothing.  Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer, Mr Butch, the same question, but got the opposite advice.  "Don’t let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

Confused, Mr. Patel went to his priest, Pandit Joshi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution on the dilemma.

"Let me tell you a story," replied Pandit Joshi.  "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night.  ‘Wear a heavy, Punjabi suit with a nice long dupatta.’  But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice.  ‘Wear your most revealing negligee, a nice V-neck.’

Confused, Mr Patel asked, "What does all this have to do with my problem with the Income Tax Department?"

"Simple," replied Joshi Maharaj.
  

"It doesn’t matter what you wear, you’re still going to get screwed."
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A WAY TO GO TO HEAVEN


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