Monday, May 28, 2012

Monday Humour



The first step to wisdom is silence, the second is listening.   Proverbs 1:5
An old priest lay dying. He sent a message for an Inland Revenue Supervisor and his Lawyer to come to the hospital.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the priest held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.
The priest grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the Inland Revenue Supervisor and The Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them to be with him during his final moments.
They were also puzzled because the priest had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the Lawyer asked, Father, why did you ask the two of us to come here? The old priest mustered all his strength, and then said weakly, Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I’d like to go.
When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British
ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honour.

At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame de Gaulle:

"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence
on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet
retirement will seem in comparison? Wat are you most looking forward
to in these retirement years?"

"Half a penis, just half a penis." replied Madame de Gaulle.

A huge hush fell over the table.
Everyone heard her answer...... and no one knew what to say next.

Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said:
"Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, "happiness!'"

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. 

They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are  probably involved. 

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he  would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. 

The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the  older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The  preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the  younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" 

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. 
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!" 

The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" 

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!" 

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