Monday, June 18, 2012

Monday Humour

Every man's dream



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LAW OF FRUSTRATION


1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2.
 Law of Gravity Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3.
 Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.
 Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5.
 Law of the Alibi If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6.
 Variation Law If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7.
 Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8.
 Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9.
 Law of the Result When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

1.
 Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

1.
 Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last.  They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance.  The aisle people also are very surly folk.

1.
 The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

1.
 Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

1.
 Law of Physical Surfaces The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

1.
 Law of Logical Argument -Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

1.
 Brown's Law of Physical Appearance If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

1.
 Oliver's Law of Public Speaking A closed mouth gathers no feet.

1.
 Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

1.
 Doctors' Law If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. 
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AH BENG IS BACK



Ah Beng: I haven't slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Ah Beng: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn't u exchange?
Ah Beng: Aiyah! There was nobody to exchange in the lower berth.

Ah Beng went to a bank to open a cheque book A/C.
After seeing the Form he had gone to Kuala Lumpur to fill it up.
You know why?
Form said:'Fill Up In Capital.'.

Ah Beng standing below a tube light with a open mouth.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him:
'Today's dinner should be light !'

One Ah Beng professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.

Ah Soon! Ah Liang has left you!
Depressed, Ah Beng jumps from 100th floor.
At 50th floor he remembers he doesn't have a wife by name of "Ah Liang"!
At 25th floor he remembers he's unmarried!
At 10th floor he remembers he's Ah Beng not Ah Soon!
On a romantic date Ah Beng's girl friend asks him:
'Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?'
He said: 'Sure ! What's your phone number?'

Ah Beng found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
O yah, what ever you order first will come first.

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a
cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Ah Beng
He wrote:'Due To Rain, No Match!'

What does a Ah Beng do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

Why can't Ah Bengs dial Nine-Eleven (911) at emergency?
They cannot find the eleven on the phone.

Ah Beng and his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Ah Beng: Drink quickly.
Wife: Why?
Ah Beng: Hot coffee RM2 and cold coffee RM5.

Ah Beng at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking
thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
Ah Beng news: A two-seater plane crashed in a graveyard in
Ampang.  Local Ah Bengs have so far found 500 bodies and are
still digging for more.

Ah Beng visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says 'Chin Yu Yan' and dies.
Ah Beng then goes to China to find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'You are standing on the oxygen tube!'

Ah Beng was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
Wife: What you are doing?
Ah Beng: I am seeing how I look while sleeping

1 comment:

  1. haha! some classics here!
    nice one :)

    ReplyDelete