Monday, December 7, 2009

Monday Humour

The mysterious circumstances of the collision combined with the punning potential of golf have provided plenty of material for internet wits to work with.
Here are five of the funniest Woods gags posted online so far. You can suggest your own favourites in the comment box below:

  • Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.
  • What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
  • Tiger Woods wasn’t seriously injured in the crash, but he’s still below par.
  • What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing
  • Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
  • After the last three, another five birdies are expected.

1. When did MCA start to lose its say?
a. Since the Neo Yee Pan - Tan Koon Swan infighting in 1984.
b. When the party president was given a no-confidence vote yet refused to step down in 2009.
c. When Ong Tee Keat asked for Najib's blessings with his "Greater Unity Plan."
d. How could a 60-year-old nanny remember when she first lost her virginity?
2. Why is Ong Tee Keat so afraid that MCA will lose its say?
a. Only when MCA keeps its say can the stomach have its say.
b. The sovereignty of MCA equals the sovereignty of Ong Tee Keat.
c. The party's sovereignty overrides everything else.
d. The party's sovereignty is its last straw.
3. Why did Ong's GUP need the PM's blessings?
a. Because the issue of sovereignty was non-existent then.
b. With the hope he could subdue the crowd with the big boss' consent.
c. All he wanted was to get over the whole thing fast.
d. No one else seemed to trust him.
4. What has possibly caused MCA to lose its say?
a. The Chinese community has not defended it hard enough.
b. Out of the party's own accord.
c. At the expense of some leaders' personal gains.
d. You don't lose anything you have never possessed.
5. Who should represent MCA's sovereignty?
a. President: Ong has all the say.
b. The presidential council: Still the president's yes-men.
c. The central committee: Behave, or get removed.
d. Central delegates: Behave, or there'll be no EGM.
6. Why has Ong stepped in and out of the hospital so often?
a. Even warded in hospital, he is still serving the nation and party conscientiously.
b. Because hospital is the most public, but also the most private of all places.
c. He is planning to take over the health ministry.
d. "Stop it! My stomach has the say!"
7. Why did he slip out of hospital, attend a dinner in Ipoh, and then go back to hospital again?
a. Intermittent breaks from his gastric upset.
b. The poor quality of hospital food intensifed his gastric upset.
c. As a form of protest for health minister Liow Tiong Lai.
d. The food at Unity Dinner helped relieve his stomach problems.
8. How to salvage MCA's sovereignty?
a. Surrender the power back to the delegates and hold fresh polls.
b. Surrender it to Ong, and let him do the chop and grill again.
c. Keep fighting, to prove that MCA indeed has its say.
d. Cut up the party into three parts, each side taking one.
9. Why is Ong so insistently against the fresh polls?
a. Someone is eyeing his chair.
b. Chua Soi Lek might kiss him goodbye.
c. Central delegates might make the wrong choice.
d. The delegates might drown themselves in material enjoyment in KL.
10. If Najib were to summon the feuding factions, the best venue should be:
a. PM's office: Official things should be settled in office.
b. PM's residence: To create a homely feel.
c. MCA headquarters: To prove that MCA still has its say.


A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.

The woman says, "So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault .... women shouldn't be allowed to drive."

The woman continues, "And look at his, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." She hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No, I think I'll just wait for the police ...."

Women can be cunning & unforgiving
Don't mess with them.

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