Monday Humour

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls for his grandson to approach the bed.

'Lissin' a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome-plated 38-caliber revolver, so you will always remember me.'

The grandson smiles weakly and replies; 'But grandpa, I really donna alika guns. Howzabout you leava me you ROLEX watch instead?'

Gasping for air the old man answers with a snarl in his voice; 'Shuddupan lissin'. Somma day, you gonna runnada business. You gonna have a beautiful a wife, lotsa money, a biga home,and maybe a couple of bambinos.'

After a slight pause to catch his breath he continues, 'Somma day, you gonna comma home, and maybe find you wife inna bed with another. Whadda you gonna do .... pointa to you watch and say 'Times up?'

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This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended! This is the message that the Maroochydore High School in Queensland , staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

The outgoing message:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

To complain about what we do - Press 3

To swear at staff members - Press 4

To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and
Several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

To complain about school lunches - Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be Accountable and responsible for his/her own Behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.