Monday, March 29, 2010

Monday Humour

These guys are just plain evil. The next time your physician suggests a MRI scan, think again.


Four husbands were sitting in the waiting room of a hospital while waiting for their wives to deliver their babies.

A nurse came out and told to the first daddy, "Congratulations, you got twins!".
"Oh! What a coincidence," said the daddy. "I am working in the Petronas Twin Towers".

Then another nurse came out and told to the second daddy, "Congratulations! You have triplets!"
"Wow! This is a coincidence too," said the second daddy. "I am working for 3M Corporation."

Another nurse came out and told the third daddy, "Congratulations! Isteri you dapat kembar empat."
"Alhamdulillah! Maybe this is also a coincidence." "I kerja di Four Seasons Hotel!"

Meanwhile, the fourth daddy-to-be was in uncontrolled worry. All the other 3 daddies asked him, "why do you look so worried?"

He answered, "I am working with Seven-Eleven!"


A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'

Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'


Why divorce?

· In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband." "But why ?" asked the judge.
· She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."
· The judge asked, "How do you know?"
· She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

Love Your Enemy

· From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy."
· "Samy! But he is your enemy!"
· "Yes, I know that! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

Wedding Ring

· At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
· The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."


· " Dad , I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.
· "Why, Dad ? Tell me why!"
· Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."

Same Service

· A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
· "Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"

Talk about Husband

One woman told another: " My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"

Love To Do

· A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
· "I would love to. "Replied the husband. "But I don't know her well enough."

No Answer Back

· A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."
· One of his friends asked. "And when you are angry, what do you do?"
· The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.

Come Home Late

· A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
· "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.
· "Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how?"
· The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."

Problem Father

· "You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?"
· He replied, "I'm going to be a father."
· "But that's wonderful," I said.
· "What's so wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.


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