Monday Humour

THE MAGIC ELEVATOR

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were
amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,
silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have
never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'


While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old
lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a
button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a
small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the
small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number . . . and
then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.


The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....

 'Go get your Mother!'
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YOU WANT TO KNOW  HOW THE THE BRAZIL FEMALE FANS REACT WHEN THEIR NATIONAL TEAM SCORE A GOAL?

"Come on, come on ..... " [The fans watching in high anticipation]

GOAL!

.... and off with the T-shirts

Let's samba!

Can any of you help me please  to find the location of this coffee shop where ever it is???

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Drunk Driver True story from Australia
Drunk Driving....THIS is absolutely brilliant! Only an Aussie could pull this one off!

A true story from Mount Isa in Queensland ..

Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub late in the evening. The officer noticed a man (Luke Sandery) leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night). Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few metres, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a random breathalyser test.

To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication.

The Police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy".. 

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 ANSWERS FROM A STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% FOR HIS MARKS

--- On Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? > >> > * his last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?> >> > * at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?> >> > * liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?> >> > * marriage Q5. What is the main reason for failure?> >> > * exams Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?> >> > * Lunch & dinner Q7. What looks like half an apple?> >> > * The other half Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?> >> > * it will simply become wet Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping??> >> > * No problem, he sleeps at night. Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?> >> > * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?> >> > * Very large hands Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it> > take four men to build it?> >> > * No time at all, the wall is already built. Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?> >> > * Concrete floors are very hard to crack. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is a test to determine if you are an alcoholic..... If you saw the bar sign, you are definitely an alcoholic.