Monday, April 9, 2012

Monday Humour


After 15 years of marriage a husband and wife went to a marriage
counselor. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a
passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in
the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of
unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time,
the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife
to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched
with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though
in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife
needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off
here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I go fishing."


A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks the question.... 

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married Again?" 

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" 

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" 

HUSBAND: "Of course I do.." 

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? " 

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." 

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) 

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) 

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" 

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house.." 

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" 

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" 

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" 

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." 

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" 

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." 

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" 

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." 

WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you? 

HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times." 

WIFE: "Would she use my clubs? 

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." 

WIFE: -- silence -- 

HUSBAND: "shit." 



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