Monday, July 2, 2012

Monday Humour

You must trust your husband

There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband... for example...
A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say ‘hello’?”
The origin of yodeling, or is it?

 Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?

Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland

Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.

The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, 'Who is that man going into the barn?'
'That fellow traveling through,' said the farmer. 'needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn.'

The daughter said, 'Perhaps he is hungry.' So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn

About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn,! And she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.

When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. 'How could he leave without even saying goodbye,' she cried. 'We made such passionate love last night!'

'What?' shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.

The farmer screamed up at him, 'I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!'

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.....

Some British humour to cheer you up
Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque...
They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to
push it inside.

During last night's high winds an African family were killed
by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't
even know they were living up there.

Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are
not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crime Watch is being
shown 5 times a week now.

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick-pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low.

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor
balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

Learning English

A friend of mine, who is a teacher, once told me that in one of her  Geography lessons, she had difficulties getting some of her students  to pronounce the name of a city, OKLAHOMA !
A Malay student, read it as O.K. lah Omar 
A Chinese student, read it as Okra Oma !
An Indian student read it as Wok Kla Wo Ma !

Don't laugh, but do you know how to pronounce correctly, the word....

"Oklahoma" ?
The Proper Way is:

OKLA...   (with a pause) ... HOMA
(There's a gap between the 'a' and the 'h'.)

Don't agree, let me prove it..............................

There........... you learned something today!

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