Monday Humour

Dying

Husband texts to wife on cell.. "Hi, what are you doing Darling?" Wife: I'm dying..! Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?" Wife: I'm dying my hair..U idiot" Angry wife to her husband An angry wife to her husband on the phone: "Where the hell are you ...?" Husband: Darling You remember that jewellery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn't have money that time and I said "Baby it'll be yours 1 day ... "O:) Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I remember that my Love! Husband: I 'm in the pub just next to that shop. A Special Package for Business Men. An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men. Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free. After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip. All Of Them Gave A Same Reply..."Which Trip?" An intelligent wife ''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women" New SIM to surprise her husband Woman Buys A New Sim Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling" The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen.. Wife treats husband A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday .. At The Club: Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You? Wife Asks: How Does He Know You? Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football with Him Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ? Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything, He's On the Darts Team in My Local Club. Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim , do You Crave for the Special Again? The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi.. Driver Says "Hey Jimmy Boy, You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time.." Cool message by a wife Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement" Sweet demand by kid A kid was beaten by his mom. Dad came n asked - what happen son? Kid said-I can't adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own. Who is guilty ? Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!" Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!" Why women starts with W Because all questions start with "W".. ! Who ? Why ? What ? When ? Which ? Whom ? Where ? & Finally Wife..!!! NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches How to choose a Wife, NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN. Difference between Friend & Wife Difference between Friend & Wife U can Tell your Friend "U r my Best Friend" But Do u have courage tell to your Wife "U r my Best Wife?" Dream of receiving jewellery & cloths Wife: Yesterday-night I saw a dream that u were sending me jewellery and clothes! Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill!!! Recently fired stock trader A recently fired stock trader said ... "This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything and I still have my wife..." Message of the year Message of the year:- Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!! Why? Very simple... A woman does not have a wife..!!! Why did u shoot ur wife? Judge: Why did u shoot your wife instead of shooting her lover? Husband: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week. Your husband needs rest Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills. Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him? Doctor: They are for you.!!