Monday Humour

Define "Competence"

A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer are sentenced to death by guillotine. The executioner asks the priest if he wants to face upward or downward when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to die face up, so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies.The blade of the guillotine is raised and released. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his throat. This is seen as a sign from God, and the priest is set free.Next, the drunkard goes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. Once again, the blade stops inches from the throat. Again, a miracle, and the drunkard is set free.The engineer is next. He too decides to die facing up. The executioner slowly raises the blade of the guillotine. Suddenly the engineer exclaims, "Wait a minute! I see what your problem is."

A twist in the Manohara Odelia Pinot saga

The saga of French Indonesian model Manohara Odelia Pinot took another startling twist today after she fled to Jakarta and confirmed allegations of abuse and violence by her husband, a Kelantan prince.

Manohara told a press conference in Jakarta that she was miserable in her nine-month marriage to Tengku Muhammad Fakhry, 32."I did not sleep - the longest was four hours. I was afraid of being injected or drugged (without my knowledge)," said the 17-year-old, who was accompanied by her mother, Daisy Fajarina. "All the torture (allegations) are true. First, (I was) cut. I am afraid of the daily sexual abuse," she was quoted as saying by Banjarmasin Post.Meanwhile, her mother's lawyer Yuli Andre Darma told online daily Detik.com that Manohara had admitted to having been abused, both mentally and physically.The online daily also reported that there was a scar on Manohara’s forehead which might have been inflicted with a hot iron.Detik quoted Daisy as saying that her daughter would undergo a medical check-up tomorrow.Meanwhile, Manohara told Indonesian television station TV One in an interview that she would not return to her royal husband.She said photographs showing her having a fun time with Tengku Ismail were "staged".According to another newpaper Kompas.com, Manohara claimed that she was given an ‘hormone injection’ to increase her weight.“I was given the injection and my weight increased by 15kg in two months. In fact, I gained 10kg in four days,” she said.It was reported that Manohara went to Singapore with her husband on Saturday to visit the Kelantan sultan who was seeking treatment there after suffering from a heart ailment.Her mother Daisy subsequently mounted a 'dramatic rescue' at the hotel where Manohara was staying with the help of the Singaporean police and officials from both the Indonesian and American embassies.Both mother and daughter arrived in Jakarta early this morning.'My first and last man'The plight of Manohara, who was named one of the country's 100 top women by Harper's Bazaar magazine, made headlines when her mother claimed the teen model was cut with a razor blade by her husband.Daisy also claimed the Kelantan royalty had abducted her daughter while Manohara was in Saudi Arabia with her family to perform the umrah (minor pilgrimage) three months ago.According to Daisy, her family was invited to perform the umrah in late February in order to reconcile with the Kelantan royalty.Daisy claimed that her daughter had earlier fled to Indonesia after complaining of frequent abuse by her royal husband, "whom she married last August after being raped by the man" when she was 15.Subsequently, her mother tried to visit her in Malaysia but found that she was banned from entering the country.Previously, a close friend of the Kelantan royal family had dismissed the allegations, and accused Daisy of demanding money from her son-in-law.According to businessman Mohd Soberi Shafii, Daisy allegedly wanted her son-in-law to settle her huge debts."She had asked him to settle the debts amounting to RM600,000 when the prince had already given her RM300,000."One night, she flew into a rage at the prince's house. She shouted like a mad woman. 'Why haven't you given the money, you have already married my daughter'."The prince said he wanted to pay and asked for an acknowledgment for the RM300,000 he had already given her. It was from this point that Daisy got angry," he said, adding that she also wanted to take her daughter back to Jakarta.Mohd Soberi also claimed that Manohara had told him that she wanted to remain with her husband, saying that she would have filed for a divorce otherwise."Every time I ask her about it, she would reply 'the prince is my first and last man'," he added.

[Source: Malaysiakini]

Yellow-livered chicken

Many reasons (er, excuses) were given as to why UMNO decided not to contest for the Penanti state seat.  Some of them were, it would be a waste of money, it was a ploy of the PR and it would be best to concentrate on improving the economy.  Now that the Manek Ura seat has fallen vacant to the death of a PAS ADUN, UMNO suddenly woke up and say, "Hey, why not taken on this one.  There is a possibility that we could win the seat."

Now I am moved to wonder over "waste of money", "a ploy by PR" and "to focus on improving the nation's economy well-being".  Don't these matter anymore?

My conclusion is that UMNO knew it would not be able to win the Penanti seat and preferred to sit it out.  Now that's what I called "cowardice" or better termed "yellow-livered chicken".  They have the police, the army, the msm and the entire government machinery to take PR on but the might of the people is one thing they feared, and feared most.

Another thing, if it was a ploy by PR to bring about a by-election, they could have easily made use of Elizabeth Wong's scandal by accepting her resignation and, voila, a by-election is created, but they didn't and coaxed her to stay instead.

So to Najib and gang, cluck cluck cluck cluck!!

BN no better than communists, says Aziz

 PAS spiritual leader Datuk Seri Nik Abdul Aziz joined an all-star ceramah session last night as Pakatan Rakyat stepped up efforts to wrap up the by-election and bag the win.

Nik Aziz went straight for the Barisan Nasional (BN) jugular and mocked prime minister and BN president Datuk Seri Najib Razak’s decision not to allow former communist leader Chin Peng to return to Malaysia, describing it as hypocritical.

“Chin Peng wants to come back and somebody asked me what I thought about it so I said if BN wants to reject the communists, then the same can be said about nationalists,” he said.

The statement was made in reference to his belief and past statement that Umno should replace its nationalist trait with Islam as the main ideology.

Nik Aziz, who vehemently opposes the “cooperation with Umno” idea supported by some of his own party members, had stated in the past that the Islamist party will only work together with its rival if the latter discards its nationalist ideology.

But judging by how the charismatic PAS leader pounded BN last night, this “cooperation” is a long way off.

BN was accused of total evil, reigning with treachery, manipulation and corruption. He urged Penanti voters to rise against the BN rule and vote for PKR candidate Mansor Othman this Sunday.

The other big names at the ceramah were Parti Keadilan Rakyat (PKR) de facto leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim who also asked voters to send a strong signal to BN.

He also blasted BN for their decision to contest in Manek Urai, slamming the decision as a reflection of their arrogance and hypocrisy.

“When they did not want to contest at Penanti, they said they wanted to focus on improving the country’s economy and not play the political game supposedly created by me.

“But it seems that the economy of the country, in fact the world, has been solved since BN now has the time to contest there,” he said.

The Manek Urai by-election in Kelantan will be the seventh since the March 8 polls. The state seat was vacated following the death of its assemblyman, Ismail Yaakob.

Also present at the ceramah was PKR vice-president Azmin Ali.

[Source: MalaysianInsider]

Geronimo's take:  These bunch of UMNO blokes are funny fellas.  Our uno numero said that there is no place for communists in this country, and yet we have the Chinese (read communist) embassy located here in Jalan Ampang.  Our fomer 'mamak' pm was also seen hugging Fidel Castro when on a visit to the country.  Hey doesn't this mean communism is okay here.  Secondly, Zahid said that Chin Peng had killed too many in the armed forces and it would upset the families should Chin Peng be allows to return home.  Aw, come on Zahid.  The Japanese who colonised us and later the British, have done more harm than good than Chin Penang.  How come you fellas go a-begging to the Japanese and English for trade when they too killed many family members of the armed forces.  At least Chin Peng (and his men) fought to get the British out of the country.  That much we owed to him.  Chin Peng is now a lonely man.  Many of his colleagues are dead or have been rehabilitated.  He doesn't even have a family for support,  and it is not much longer he will soon meet his maker.  You UMNO fellas are Muslims and by right, you should show more compassion than anybody else.  Let it go.  What happened was another time and another place.  Furthermore how can the rakyat trust this government when they can breach an agreement of terms that had already been agreed upon and signed in Haddyai.

Monday Humour

Humour 1:  There have been reports that pharmacists may be running out of surgical masks due to the current H1N1 flu.  If you are unable to obtain one from the shops, you might consider the following, as an interim measure.

Humour 2 : 

A blonde goes into a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assured her that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed her several patterns,but the blonde seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, she selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains she needed.

The blonde replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches??", asked the salesman, "that sounds very small. What room are they for?" The blonde says, "Oh, they are not for any room - they are for my computer monitor."

The surprised salesman replies, "But, Miss, computers do not have curtains."

The blonde says, " Hellooooooooo - I've got Windows."

Humour 3:  Speech at the United Nations Assembly

A representative from India began:

'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named.

When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath.'

He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.

When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'

The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.'

And they say Kashmir belongs to them...

The Man In Black

For many of us Malaysians who have been mourning the death of our democratic rights by wearing black, here is none other than country singer, Johnny Cash,  to sing the song "The Man In Black".

Well, there’s things that never will be right I know,
And things need changin’ everywhere you go,
But ’til we start to make a move to make a few things right,
You’ll never see me wear a suit of white.

Ah, I’d love to wear a rainbow every day,
And tell the world that everything’s OK,
But I’ll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,
‘Till things are brighter, I’m the Man In Black.

The time of reckoning will come

The Court of Appeal's ruling as to who the legitimate Menteri Besar is has
not in any way resolved the political crisis that the state of Perak has
been embroiled in. That is the first point.

The sanctity of the the principle of the separation of powers has been
unceremoniously violated and sacrificed for political expediency. That is
the second point.

A peoples' government duly elected and determined by 53 per cent of
Perakians has been overturned. That is the third point.

The betrayal of three renegades who jumped ship for selfish reasons has been
legitimised as contributing to the so-called majority of the Barisan
Nasional that allowed the BN to ignore and dismiss the electoral process.
That is the fourth point.

Through manoeuvring and manipulation, the peoples' will has been subverted
with impunity. That is the fifth point.

We can safely assume that the two renegades who have been charged in court
will not be found guilty either because the case may be dropped or there may
not be sufficient incriminating evidence. That is the sixth point.

It has been established that Article 72(1) of the Federal Constitution can
be discarded and it will apparently become irrelevant in future cases
involving the Opposition. That is the seventh point.

In future no motion of confidence will be allowed or recognised in the Perak
State Assembly because it is not specifically provided for in the Perak
State Constitution. That is the eighth point.

Speaker Sivakumar, if he claims to be the legitimate authority of the House,
will be rudely dragged away from his seat by the sergeant-at arms amply
assisted by the ever-willing police. That is the ninth point.

Any Pakatan assembly member who dares to challenge the BN-installed
Speaker's legitimacy will be suspended without any emolument. That is the
tenth point.

This will be the scenario of Perak politics. This will be the corrupted
version of our democratic process that will continue to shame us and haunt
us until the people have the opportunity to right this grave wrong when the
assembly is finally dissolved.

The court-appointed Menteri Besar Datuk Dr Zambry Abdul Kadir has stated, "I
believe that people will be able to see the truth now."

No, Datuk, they have not seen the truth but they saw the farce that
frustrated the democratic will of the people.

The court of law may have appointed you as the MB but the peoples' court
will definitely reverse this absurd decision and will ultimately re-appoint
the legitimate MB, Datuk Seri Mohammad Nizar Jamaluddin as the chief
executive of Perak state.

As for the rest of the nation, they will remember Perak and they will
remember this injustice when the time of reckoning comes.

P Ramakrishnan
President, Aliran
23 May 2009
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