Monday, November 30, 2009

Monday Humour


1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral

objection to liquor.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket

launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but

consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof

and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared

Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely

carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones

have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every

man should own at least four.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbour's

Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.

" Why, Dad ? Tell me why!"

Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said,

"Maybe, son, she didn't get the fax."


A husband compliant to his mother-in-law:

"When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.

Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."

"Why complain?" said the mother-in-law. "You're still getting the same service!"


A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said,

"Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"

"I would love to." Replied the husband. "But I don't know her well enough."


From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Mohd."

"Mohd? But he is your enemy?"

"Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."


In a divorce court a woman told the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."

"But why ?" asked the judge.

She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."

The judge asked, "How do you know?"
She replied, "My lord, all my children do not resembles

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