Friday, January 22, 2010

Confession of a Waitress, flimsy one that is ...

A SATIRE You don't need the 'brilliance' of this anonymous writer to take a crack at what could possibly have happened to the alleged molestation case involving a former minister at a Kuala Lumpur joint last year.

So it was all a very typical 'Malaysian misunderstanding'!

Waitress: I would like to deny that what was reported ever happened. The ex-minister did not fondle or molest me. It was all a misunderstanding.

Reporter: What made you make that report then? What actually happened?

Waitress: I did feel someone putting his hands on my backside. Then I felt the hand going higher... I protested, but it did not stop. I tried to pull the hand away, but the owner of the hand is much stronger than me. He was also drunk because I could smell it from his breath.

Reporter: What made you initially suspect that it was the ex-minister who did it.

Waitress: After pleading for sometime, I couldn't take it anymore so I screamed. Then they turned on the lights and the ex minister was next to me.

Reporter: You suspected that he was the one because he was next to you? It could have been others, right?

waitress-ex-ministerWaitress: I thought it was him, because that night, he was the only customer. There was no one else in the bar except the bar boy, two other waitresses who were with the bar boy, the ex-minister and me. That was why I thought it was him.

Reporter: It could have been either of the waitresses or the bar-boy right?

Waitress: No it couldn't be, they were quite a distance away. They lights were on only seconds after I screamed.

Reporter: Then how come you are now sure that it was not the ex-minister, since he was the only one close to you? Anyway how close was he to you?

Waitress: I only realised that it couldn't have been him when the police and his lawyers visited me a few days ago.

Reporter: How many of them visited you?

Waitress: 20 police personnel and 12 lawyers.

Reporter: So many of them? What did they say or do?

Waitress: They told me that the club is haunted. They said that a few years ago, a drunkard lecherous old man was shot dead for molesting a woman there. They added that it could be his ghost who did it.

Reporter: And you believed them?

Waitress: I was confused, but they brought a former waitress who confessed that the same thing happened to her and coincidentally, the same ex-minister was beside her. They said that the dead man was an enemy of the ex-minister so that was why his ghost did it every time he is around.

Reporter: Since the place is haunted, are you going back to work there?

Waitress: Oh no, I don't have to work anymore. The ex-minister was so kind. He said that he took pity on me because I was molested by the ghost of his enemy. He blamed himself for what had happened to me. He gave me a cheque for RM1 million, a condominium and an expensive car. He said I don't have to pay for the condominium. To show how he cares, he even took a key and said that he would be checking on me, to see if I need any help or if the ghost is still haunting me. That is why I feel so bad that I had implicated a very good man.


  1. The waitress was also offered ambassadorship of Mongolia. You did not know that? Lol

    We are all of 1race, the Human Race

  2. Thanks, dpp, for the info, ha ha. Well, its quite rewarding these days to be a waitress where you can ewven rub body ... er, I mean shoulders with even ex ministers.