Monday, May 31, 2010

Monday Humour

A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 35 years in the parish.

A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to give a little speech at the dinner. However, the politician was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:

"I got my first impression of the parish from the very first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it.

He had also stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled.

But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived and showed his grand entrance, full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession."


A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy three coins to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up two of the coins, but
keeps choking.Looking at his son, the father is panicking,
shouting for help.

well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up,puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurriedly, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his
pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and
starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever
so firmly.. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and Coughs up the last coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the
coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he
is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic.

Are you a
doctor? "
'No,' the woman replied.

'I'm from Jabatan Hasil Dalam Negeri.'


“Look, Officer – I already checked the glove box three
My registration isn’t in there.”

Police Officer:

"Please Check again!”

Singapore taxi drivers learn to speak French

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