Monday, September 12, 2011

Monday Humour

DAD'S REPLY ......


I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 76).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.


I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.


The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red,

orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at her.


The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.


When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked:

"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not

choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid .....


"Got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if

you might be my kid."

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NEW COUNCIL RATES FOR 2011/2012

YOUR HOUSE

As seen by yourself

As seen by your buyer

As seen by your lender

As seen by the bank's valuer

As seen by your Council Rate Assessor:
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What is a Financial Bail-Out ?

It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down harshly, and all the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a 100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some room-keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the 100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the 100 note and rushes down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the 100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of animal feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the 100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the friendly neighborhood pub. The pub owner slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar - who, in spite of facing hard times, has always gladly offered him her services on credit.

The hooker then rushes over to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the 100 note.

The hotel proprietor quietly replaces the 100 note back on the counter, so that the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that none of the rooms are satisfactory, picks up the 100 note, pockets it and leaves town.

...No one has produced anything. No one has earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, dear ladies and gentlemen, is how a basic financial bailout package works !
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SOUTH AFRICAN HANDSHAKE

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