Monday Humour

I  was walking down the street when I was accosted  by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking  homeless woman who asked me for a couple of  dollars for dinner.  

I  took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and  asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy  wine with it instead of dinner?'  

'No,  I had to stop drinking ! years a go', the homeless  woman told me. 


'Will  you use it to go shopping instead of buying  food?' I asked. 

'No,  I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman  said.  'I need to spend all my time trying to  stay alive.' 


'Will  you spend this on a beauty salon instead of  food?' I asked. 

'Are  you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't  had my hair done in 20
  years!' 

'Well,  I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money..  Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner  with my husband and me tonight.' 

The  homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband  be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm  dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'  

I  said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to  see what a woman looks like after she has given  up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'
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The Original Sin

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ANSWERS FROM A STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% FOR HIS MARKS


Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?

* His last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

* At the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?

 * Liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?

 * Marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?

 * Exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?

 * Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?

 * The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?

* It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping??

 * No problem, he sleeps at night

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

 * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples

 and three oranges in  other hand, what would you have?

 * Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

* Concrete floors are very hard to crack.