Monday Humour

A foreigner's impression on Malaysian drivers [third and final part]

Q. Does my car require a roadworthy certificate before I can drive in Malaysia?

A. No, roadworthy certificates are not required in Malaysia. However, there are certain other statutory requirements that must be fulfilled before your car can be driven in Malaysia. Firstly, you must ensure that your windscreen is at least 50% obscured with English football club decals, golf club membership stickers or condo parking permits. Secondly, you must place a tissue box (preferably in a white lace cover) on the back shelf of your car under the rear window. Thirdly, you must hang as many CDs or plastic ornaments from your rear vision mirror as it will support. Finally, you must place a Garfield doll with suction caps on one of your windows. Your car wll then be ready to drive on Malaysian roads.

Q. What does a single yellow line along the edge of the road mean?

A. This means parking is permitted.

Q. What does a double yellow line along the edge of the road mean?

A. This means double parking is permitted.

Q. What does a yellow box with a diagonal grid of yellow lines painted on the road at a junction mean?
A. Contrary to the understanding of some local drivers, this does not mean that diagonal parking is permitted. It indicates a junction that is grid-locked at peak hours. Try to avoid such areas at this time of the day.


Q. Can I use a mobile phone whilst driving in Malaysia?

A. No problem at all, but it should be noted that if you wish to use the rear-vision mirror to put on your lipstick or trim your eyebrows at the same time as you are using the mobile phone in the other hand, you should ensure that you keep an elbow free to steer the car. Alternatively, you may place a toddler on your lap and have the child steer the car whilst you are carrying out these other essentials tasks.

Q. Is it necessary to use indicator lights in Malaysia?

A. These blinking orange lights are commonly used by newly arrived expatriate drivers to indicate they are about to change lanes. This provides a useful signal to local drivers to close up any gaps to prevent the expatriate driver from changing lanes. Therefore, it is recommended that expatriate drivers adopt the local practice of avoiding all use of indicator lights. However, it is sometimes useful to turn on your left hand indicator if you want, merge right because this confuses other drivers enabling you to take advantage of an unprotected gap in the traffic.
Another use of the indicator light. If you arrive at a T-junction and there is a car coming towards you from the right with its indicator light signaling that it is turning to its left, please note the car may not be turning to the left. The driver of that car is actually telling you he has not made up his mind yet whether to turn left or continue straight ahead, in front of you. Seasoned local drivers will tell you to wait until the car made a left turn or completely passed in front of you before you make your move.

Q. Why do some local drivers turn on the left hand indicator and then turn right, or turn on their right hand indicator and then turn left?

A. This is one of the unsolved mysteries of driving in Malaysia.

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A TOO SMART 11-YEAR

I was having trouble with my computer... So I called David, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.
David clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?'
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

David grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'

'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like the little sh*t...

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PARABLE OF A FATHER'S DILEMMA

An Indian man said to the friend, 'You know my parents are forcing me to get married to his so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.' We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'

His friend said, "I'll tell you my story."

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. 'After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

Legally now my step-daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.

More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother-in-law and at the same time he is also my uncle .

Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems...