Monday, April 19, 2010

Monday Humour

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, andplays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob.
'He's in my bowling league.
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if
he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she
know that you drink Budweiser?'
I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
"Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'
Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it ..
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'

s funeral will be on Friday.


The Parrot..

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
The sign on the cage said $50.00
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said,
"Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of
prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room
and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
"New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,
but then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school,
the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh
about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "
Hi, Keith."


Upon reaching 65, Bob decided to retire. After having him under foot for a few
months, his wife became very agitated with him. She suggested he go and do
something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby. Bob obliged and went out for a couple of hours.

When he got home his wife asked about his day and he replied, "Oh, I just went
down to the park and hung out with the guys. And oh yeah, I joined a parachute

"What? Are you nuts? You're 65 years old and you're going to start jumping
out of airplanes?"

"Yeah, look I even got a membership card."

"You crazy old man, where's your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute
Club, not a Parachute Club!"

"Oh, great! Now what am I going to do? I signed up & have paid for 4 jumps a



1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

5. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so we can tell them

6. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

7. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

8. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in
Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

9. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.

10.. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means
that you laugh at his.

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